


tell me something (i don't already know)

by jaepeels



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fluff and Angst, I apologize in advance, Idiots in Love, M/M, Multi, actually it really is slow burn, jieqiong only appears on the last chapter, kind of slow burn?, lots of self-doubting, more on angst than fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 20:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12638436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaepeels/pseuds/jaepeels
Summary: "We'd been so sure of ourselves, but now we were lost."- Benjamin Alire Sáenz(Or: just boys trying to coordinate with their emotions.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Wanna One fanfiction and also the first fic to be posted here. I'm both excited and nervous, but I hope you like it anyway. I apologize if you see any future grammar mistakes on this work; English isn't my first and second language. Anyways, please enjoy ^.^

**I.**

“Hyung, wait for me!”

Jihoon groans as he hears someone call out for him. Fully knowing the owner of that voice, he doesn’t even bother to stop and quickens his pace instead. He woke up much earlier than usual so that he could avoid walking to school with Guanlin, but much to his luck, he just couldn’t—as always.

The younger boy finally catches up to him, smiling to his hyung with that annoying gummy smile of his. He catches his breath before he speaks up. “Hyung, I told you to wait for me.”

“I’m already late, Guanlin,” Jihoon replies, trying not to sound annoyed.

“But aren’t you too early, hyung?” Guanlin tilts his head to the side, giving Jihoon a quizzical look. This boy, really.

“I still have a lot to do in school,” Jihoon swiftly makes up a lie. He’s always lying to Guanlin. Even if Guanlin annoys the hell out of Jihoon, he just can’t seem to hurt him. Guanlin is too innocent for his own good and he would really feel bad if he ends up hurting his feelings. Maybe that’s why Jihoon is mad at himself. How would Guanlin stop following him like a lost puppy when Jihoon tolerates him so much?

“Oh, hyung,” Guanlin says with a teasing grin, bumping onto Jihoon’s shoulder. “When did you become so diligent?”

He shoots Guanlin a glare that he hopes could scare the taller boy, but he only grins wider at Jihoon’s response. “What are you saying? I’m always diligent.” It wasn’t really a lie; Jihoon is good in studying and his grades are pretty high. It’s just that he isn’t always early to go to school—this was the first and of course Guanlin would be surprised.

Guanlin snorts at him. “Yeah, right.”

They finally arrive at their school, passing through the gates and into the hallways which is barely full of peope, considering they’ve arrived 20 minutes early. As always, Guanlin accompanies Jihoon to his classroom, even though it’s nowhere near his own. Jihoon already told him a thousand times that he doesn’t need Guanlin to escort him every time, but Guanlin always insists and over time, Jihoon got tired to argue and decided to just let the younger do what he wants.

They finally stop at the door of Jihoon’s classroom. “Bye, hyung.” Guanlin smiles, waving at Jihoon. “See you at lunch?”

Jihoon nods. “Yeah, see ya.”

He enters the classroom and closes the door behind him without looking back. He startles at the sight of Woojin leaning against the wall beside the door with his arms over his chest, giving him a knowing look.

“What the hell?” Jihoon gives him an annoyed look, although his heart is still racing from the shock that his friend gave him. “You scared me.”

Woojin only smirks. “So, you’re not really sure?”

“Sure about what?” Jihoon proceeds to take his seat by the window.

Woojin also takes a seat in front of Jihoon, puts his elbow on Jihoon’s desk, and places his chin on his hand. “Are you sure you’re not dating Guanlin?”

This again.

Jihoon rolls his eyes and takes out a notebook from his backpack. He throws it onto his desk with a loud thud, causing Woojin to flinch. “I’m not dating him, Woojin. So can you please stop asking me that?”

“Does he know that?” Woojin wiggles his eyebrows at him.

“Please stop.” Jihoon lets out an exasperated sigh. “I don’t even like Guanlin, okay? That guy annoys me a lot.”

Woojin fake gasps, his hand on his chest. “How mean.”

Jihoon doesn’t reply as he takes out a mechanical pencil and proceeds to answer his Biology homework. He still has a week to do the work, but he doesn’t bother to waste any time. See? Jihoon is actually really diligent.

“But seriously, though,” Woojin starts, his tone a lot heavier. “If you don’t like the boy, you should tell him that. He actually likes you and sticking with him isn’t really helping.”

Jihoon pauses on writing, looks up at Woojin and stares at him disbelief. He just can’t believe that they’re talking about this right now. “He’s actually the one sticking to me, if you haven’t noticed.”

“You’re letting him,” Woojin points out sharply. “He probably thinks that you don’t mind when he’s around you.”

“This is stupid,” Jihoon laughs without humor. Woojin needs stop pointing out things; it infuriates Jihoon a bit and it’s always not a good thing. “Why am I even taking advice from someone who has ‘love problems’ of his own?”

Woojin glares at him and is about to say something in return when the said ‘love problem’ bursts into the classroom, literally hopping his way in. He smiles brightly, waving at the two boys before he takes a seat beside Woojin.

“Good morning, Woojin!” he beams at him. Woojin mumbles a greeting in return, his face red as a tomato. He then pretends to be interested at the tree outside. “Good morning, Jihoon!”

“Good morning, Hyungseob,” Jihoon responds with a smile, trying not to laugh at Woojin. His friend has been crushing on Mr. Sunshine since they were freshmen and it was pretty obvious. It’s either Hyungseob is super dense or that he’s just pretending to not notice. Jihoon glances at Woojin, snorting as he sees the boy’s ears turning pink. He’s got it bad.

 

* * *

 

  
 

“Why are you late, Guanlin-ah?” Daehwi asks as Guanlin takes a seat in front of him and beside Jihoon (as always) during lunchtime. By the time he arrives, the others are already eating. Park Jihoon, Bae Jinyoung, Park Woojin, and Lee Daehwi are seated at the very corner of the cafeteria, where they get to see the whole place and observe people who come and go. It was Daehwi’s idea to sit here since he likes to check out the “cute boys” who eat here. Jinyoung, despite hating the idea, obliges to Daehwi’s decision.

“I was just doing some things,” Guanlin replies, scratching the back of his neck as if embarrassed.|

Bae Jinyoung raises an eyebrow at him. “That’s vague.”

“A little birdie told me he’s gotten a confession from a girl from another school,” Woojin says with a teasing grin. Jihoon thinks that, by little birdie, he means Yoo Seonho—a mischievous freshman who is currently sitting on a table far away from them, surrounded by handsome upperclassmen. Whatever he did to lure these guys, it was pretty impressive.

Daehwi lets out a soft gasp. “Again? That’s like the 6th time this week! And it’s only Wednesday!”

“It’s not like that,” Guanlin says softly, his eyes never leaving his food.

 “And don’t tell me that it was another rejection!” Woojin points an accusing finger at him. He sounds like he’s exaggerating it, but he really isn’t. Ever since Guanlin transferred here, he gained a lot of attention—especially from girls. Who can blame them? Despite him being annoyingly clingy, Guanlin is actually very good-looking. He’s also very tall for his age, a gentleman, and he’s very good in basketball. (Everyone in school likes him because the basketball team had an awful lot of consecutive wins ever since he joined.)

“Hyung, _please_.” Guanlin hisses, sounding like he’s literally begging to let him eat his lunch in peace.

 “Jeez,” Jihoon finally intervenes, feeling a little pity for the poor boy. “Please let him rest.”

Guanlin lets out a sigh of relief and proceeds to cling onto Jihoon’s arm. “You tell them, hyung.”

Jihoon lightly pushes the younger boy from him, suddenly regretting the decision of defending Lai Guanlin. “Let me go, Guanlin.”

“Won’t,” Guanlin says in aegyo, gripping Jihoon’s arms tighter and letting his head rest on Jihoon’s shoulder.

Woojin watches them with seemingly judgmental eyes, but Jihoon knows that it’s more on amusement. “Now I understand why.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s almost eight in the evening when Jihoon finishes dance practice. He’s exhausted, but everyone in the room—incuding his _sunbaes_ and Woojin, who is an amazing dancer himself—praises him for his skills, so all the effort was worth it. Aside from studying, dancing is the other thing he’s good at. But unlike studying, dancing is something that he wholeheartedly enjoys and is very passionate at. Whenever he starts to dance, he instantly starts for forget everything and let himself drown in his own movements. It gives him this unexplainable feeling in his stomach and something that resembles a sense of relief in his chest. It made him feel a lot of things—a whirlwind of emotions that he just couldn’t describe. It’s something that he wants to pursue in college and perhaps, for the rest of his life.

Jihoon has already finished changing his clothes and is almost done packing his things up when one of his seniors calls him.

“Jihoon, someone is waiting for you!”

Turns out, Guanlin is the one waiting for Jihoon to finish outside his practice room. He’s sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the wall as he plays something on his phone. As he notices that Jihoon has already exited the room, he quickly pockets his phone and scrambles onto his feet, grinning widely at his hyung.

“Guanlin-ah,” Jihoon says; his eyes wide in surprise. “Why are you here?”

“Came to pick you up,” Guanlin casually replies. “We should go home together, right?”

Jihoon heaves a deep sigh. It was just yesterday when he said that Guanlin doesn’t need to pick him up after dance practice. “I already told you—”

“Yes, I know, hyung,” Guanlin cuts him off with a smile. It’s a small smile, but it’s full of fondness and sincerity and Jihoon’s chest constricts at the thought. “I really don’t mind. Besides, I like seeing you dance. You’re amazing, hyung.”

He feels his face heat up at the compliment, but he brushes it off like it was nothing. He always receives a lot of praises, so why would he react when it’s Guanlin giving him one? He turns around and starts walking. “Let’s go home, Guanlin.”

He can hear the happiness on the other boy’s voice as he replies, “Okay, hyung.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support you've given me on the first chapter. I appreciate it a lot T.T
> 
> So, in this chapter, we finally get to see Woojin and Jinyoung's POVs! I know that this is a PanWink fic, but I just couldn't resist! Anyways, hope you enjoy this one :D

**II.**

 

Woojin thinks that this is getting ridiculous.

He always flirted with Hyungseob and the boy still doesn't get it. One time, Woojin invited him for a cup of coffee and when it was finally time to go home, Hyungseob only said that it was nice how Woojin paid for both of his drinks. He always gives him gifts during Valentine's Day and Christmas ever since they were freshmen. And he was always there whenever Hyungseob needed someone to be with. It annoyed him and he's ever more annoyed as he watches the boy himself flirt with a cute sophomore outside their classroom. Woojin recognizes the younger boy as Euiwoong, a smart kid who always aces all of his classes and is also the class president. Woojin didn't know that Hyungseob had a thing for good boys.

“And he's even smiling at him,” Woojin mutters under his breath, staring at the two with a glare. He's practically burning holes at the back of Euiwoong's head right now. “He doesn't even smile that much whenever he's with me.”

“It's because you're boring,” Jihoon says, his gaze never leaving the textbook he's reading. This guy really doesn't know how to shut up.

“Fuck you, Jihoon.”

“Aww, I love you too.”             

                          

* * *

 

 

Jihoon is relieved when school finally ends. His day was pretty hectic since exams are coming up and it was tiring him out. Even during breaks, he spends his time finishing his projects and revising his notes. He even took up most of his lunch time doing some school works. If it wasn’t for Guanlin pulling him out of the library that time to eat, he would probably faint out of hunger by now. And because of the upcoming exams, dance practice is cancelled until exams are finished. Jihoon is somehow frustrated because even if dancing will take up a lot of his time studying, it’s the only way that Jihoon could release his stress. Damn these exams.

Jihoon, Woojin, Daehwi, Jinyoung, and Guanlin are already exiting the school gates when some girl—probably from another school, seeing her uniform and of course, because their school is basically an all-boys school—stops them. She stands shyly in front of them, holding a pink box wrapped with a black ribbon.

“C-can I please talk to Lai Guanlin?” she asks hesitantly, averting her gaze from them as pink starts to tint her cheeks.

“Okay, here,” Daehwi says, shoving Guanlin closer to her with a teasing grin on his face. The rest of the boys, except for Jihoon whose expression remains passive, start giving the Taiwanese boy amused looks, preventing themselves from laughing and hollering. It’s not every day that they get to witness a real-life confession.

“You got this, Guanlin!” Woojin gives him a pair of thumbs up.

Guanlin, his ears starting to turn red, follows the girl leading him far from them and out of earshot. The boys stay gathered together as they intently watch the confession unravel right in front of their eyes.

“I hope Guanlin doesn’t reject her,” Jinyoung says in almost a whisper. The girl is now offering Guanlin the pink box and the young boy just stares at it, scratching the back of his neck. “She’s really pretty.”

“I really hope so!” Daehwi exclaims. “It’s about time he gets a girlfriend. He’s young and needs some experience.”

“I agree.” Woojin nods, affirmative. “When Jihoon was his age, he already got a dozen of girlfriends.”

Jihoon glares at him, a bit offended. “I didn’t!” Woojin made it sound like he was some kind of a playboy, but he really didn’t date a lot of girls two years ago, when he was around Guanlin’s age. He’s only been in three relationships and none of them were actually serious. He stopped dating when he realized that no one would ever fill the gaping hole of his heart. He’s _that_ heartless.

Daehwi’s jaw becomes unhinged at the sight in front of them. “Don’t tell me—”

They watch as Guanlin says something to the girl with a soft smile. The girl gazes down at the ground without looking at him, nodding as if already resigned. She then looks up and offers him a smile, telling him something before she starts walking away, waving goodbye to him. Guanlin watches her disappear around the corner before he returns to the group.

“Let’s go?” Guanlin offers, adjusting the straps casually, as if nothing happened.

Jinyoung is the first to speak up. “What did you say to her?”

“Oh, um.” Guanlin bites his lower lip. “I said that I was sorry because I couldn’t accept her feelings. I don’t feel the same, so what’s the point of being in a relationship if it’s only one-sided?”

“But you will learn to like her,” Daehwi says, almost silent.

Guanlin shakes his head, smiling. “It doesn’t work that way for me. I’ll only give her pain, knowing that reciprocating her feelings is a very long and agonizing process. Don’t judge me: it actually feels nice to know that someone out there likes me, but I just can’t stomach it if we’re gonna be in a relationship and I’ll never be able to like her as much as she likes me.”

The boys are silent after Guanlin said that. Jihoon feels something heavy settle on his stomach as he remembers his past relationships; how he agreed to date those girls despite not being able to return their feelings. He remembered those girls showering him with endless affection and smiling brightly whenever he’s with them while he remained passive and uninterested. Damn. He really is a heartless asshole.

It makes him feel so useless that Guanlin thinks this way while Jihoons makes a shitload of bad decisions over and over again. He’s the older one here, but he still feels like a child whenever he’s with Guanlin.

 

* * *

 

Daehwi and Jinyoung separate from the other three as they go to the opposite direction, towards the downtown area where Jinyoung will be working part-time at a coffee shop whereas Daehwi will be helping out his mother at their small restaurant. They were silent when the five of them were walking on the way home, but when the two of them were finally alone, Daehwi speaks up.

“Didn’t know Guanlin was so mature.”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung says. “ _Way_ more mature that you.”

Daehwi hits him on the arm, pouting. “How dare you!”

“Just kidding.” Jinyoung laughs at the younger’s reaction. This is why he likes teasing the blond boy.

 They finally reach the downtown area, still talking about Guanlin, when someone bumps into Daehwi, almost knocking down the boy if it isn’t for Jinyoung gripping his arm so tight.

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asks, his expression etched with concern.

Daehwi nods. “Yes. I’m fine, hyung.”

The guy who almost sent Daehwi on the ground finally comes to his senses and starts to talk. “I’m really sorry—”

Daehwi cuts him mid-sentence, his eyes wide in surprise. “Dongho-hyung?”

“Lee Daehwi?” The guy also seems to recognize him.

Daehwi chuckles, rather bashfully. “Yes, it’s me, hyung. How are you? We haven’t talked since summer.”

“Yes, I’ve been absolutely good,” the guy, who now has a name, replies with a grin. “I see that you’re still cute as ever.”

Daehwi visibly blushes and Jinyoung furrows his eyebrows at his best friend. _What the hell?_ “And I see that you’re still good-looking as ever.”

Jinyoung’s jaw unhinges in shock. _What the actual fuck, Lee Daehwi?!_

Dongho laughs shyly, a hand scratching the back of his neck. Jinyoung doesn’t deny the fact that this guy is good-looking with his tall figure and his broad shoulders. He looks intimidating at first, but when he smiles, he turns into this adorable mochi. Dongho seems nice, but Jinyoung just can’t help but feel uncomfortable especially when he and Daehwi flirt in front of him.

He coughs loudly, causing the two of them to look at him. “Um.”

It takes a minute for Daehwi to realize. “Oh! Dongho-hyung, this is my best friend, Bae Jinyoung and Jinyoung-hyung, this is Kang Dongho-hyung. He was my vocal teacher last summer.”

“Ah.” He remembers Daehwi talking about a certain hot vocal teacher last summer. It was all he ever talked about, so there was no way he forgot. Daehwi liked him so much and it took forever for the older to take the hint and asked him out on a date. Jinyoung thought that it wasn’t really something serious since it only lasted until the end of summer. He extends out a friendly hand to Dongho and smiles. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Daehwi talks about you a lot.”

“No, I do not!”

Dongho laughs and shakes Jinyoung’s hand, his grip strong and firm. “Nice to meet you, too.”

Before they part (since they all are running pretty late on their own agendas), Daehwi and Dongho finally exchange numbers—something that they obviously regretted not doing last summer. Jinyoung ignores the tight feeling in his chest as he observes the dark shade of red blooming on Daehwi’s cheeks and Dongho’s bright smile as they say goodbye to one another. They wait for Dongho’s figure to disappear out from their sight before they proceed to walk the other way.

“It seems like summer is coming back to me.” Daehwi smiles, gazing out dreamily. “And it’s going to be fantastic.”

“I’m happy for you,” Jinyoung says, feeling his stomach churn at the weight of the lie underneath his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops ;)
> 
> Next update will be Wednesday next week :) I have an upcoming entrance exam this Saturday, so please wish me luck T.T And don't forget to leave kudos ❤️ Comments are also appreciated :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really want to thank everyone who reads this story, gives kudos, and leaves some lovely comments. I appreciate them a lot ♡ 
> 
> This chapter (kinda) gives you an idea of Guanlin and Jihoon's relationship. I just hope you won't get bored while reading this T.T Enjoy! ♡

**III.**

When Jihoon arrives at the apartment, his dad has already left, like he said he would. He told Jihoon last night that he’d be away for the weekend for a business trip. The sight of the place being devoid of another person's presence is something that he was already used to. His dad is always busy, being the single parent raising his only child. This is the fact that he has learned to accept as he grew up. Being alone on the apartment is not something to be sad about, really.

He removes his shoes by the entrance; a hand placed on a wall for support, beforehe enters the living room and makes his way across to get to his bedroom. He places his backpack on the floor by his bed and proceeds to change his uniform into something more comfortable. He then goes to the kitchen and prepares to make his usual dinner, which is  _ramyeon_. He is about to open a pack when he hears the doorbell ring.

He sighs and leaves the pack unopened on the countertop. He makes his way to the entrance and opens the door, opening only a tiny sliver to cautiously peek at the person outside. As soon as he sees who it is, he opens the door wider. He scrunches up his eyebrows in confusion.

“Hi, hyung,” Lai Guanlin greets with that usual gummy smile of his. He stands towering in front of Jihoon, carrying a brown paper bag in one hand and a pillow with blue and white stripes on the other. He also has his favorite yellow Vans backpack slung over his shoulders. 

“Ah, hello, Guanlin,” Jihoon manages to speak out, still looking at the younger boy with a quizzical expression. “What are you doing here?”

“Your dad came by our place this morning,” Guanlin replies, rather cheerfully. “He asked mom to look out for you, so she sent me here to accompany you for tonight. You had dinner yet?”

Jihoon   is still very much confused. He knows that his father is close to Guanlin's family and it has been over a year since they knew each other, but it has been the first time that Guanlin was asked to accompany Jihoon. Maybe it's because it's the first time that Jihoon's dad is away for the weekend. But the thought of Guanlin staying with him in the same room alone is making him uncomfortable. “Um, not yet, but—”

“That's great.” Guanlin beams at him, a hand holding out a paper bag. “Mom cooked beef stew tonight and she made me bring some for us to share. Mind if I come in?”

Jihoon   shakes his head before he makes way for Guanlin to enter and briefly closes the door behind them. He offers to carry the paper bag and the pillow to allow the younger to slip off his sandals and carefully place them at the side. He follows Jihoon into the kitchen and helps the older set up the table. His eyes fall onto the pack of ramyeon sitting on the countertop.

“Were you gonna eat ramen for dinner?” Guanlin asks; his voice careful.

“Um, yeah,” Jihoon replies in almost a whisper, avoiding the younger boy's gaze.  

Guanlin  pauses for a moment before he speaks, his tone teasing. “Good thing I came, huh?”

Jihoon's   heart jumps at the younger boy's words. Yes, it is a good thing that Guanlin brought him delicious homemade food for dinner and it is also a good thing that Guanlin came here to accompany him. It's a good thing not to be alone, but he doesn't want to admit it out loud. No, not to Guanlin.

“Thanks for this, Guanlin-ah,” Jihoon says softly as he heaves two bowls from the cupboard and places them on the countertop. He meets Guanlin's eye at the opposite end. “Tell your mom thanks, too.”

Guanlin   wriggles the stainless containers out of the paper bag and starts opening the first one carefully. “It's not a problem, hyung. Mom told me that you should just come to us if you need anything, alright? You don't need to be shy because you're like a family to us—you and Mr. Park.”

Jihoon   purses his lips together and nods without saying anything. Guanlin's family has been nothing but helpful to him and his dad. When the Lai family first moved here a year ago, still new to Korea, Jihoon's dad had guided them. He and Guanlin's dad met a supermarket nearby and Jihoon's dad helped him read the sections and they became close instantly. Ever since then, the Lai family has been treating Jihoon and his dad as if they're part of their own. Jihoon's dad became more lively and interactive, far from the silent, depressed man that he was before. Jihoon was later introduced to Lai Guanlin, the younger of the two siblings, and Guanlin was immediately smitten. He told Jihoon during their first meeting that he always wanted an older brother and he was clearly ecstatic that Jihoon came to his life. Jihoon didn't know what to make of this, apparently overwhelmed by the pressure. Even right now, he doesn't know what to feel when Guanlin is around him. 

“Let's eat?” Jihoon offers, giving Guanlin a small smile. 

They eat in silence. The quiet is not as awkward as Jihoon thought it would be—it was rather comforting. Maybe it's because the food tastes great in his mouth; contented that he finally got to eat something other than convenience store food, restaurant takeout, and packed  _ramyeon_. Or maybe the presence of another person in a place where he is always left alone makes him feel at ease. It's nice, he thinks to himself. It actually feels nice. 

When they finish, Guanlin offers to wash the dishes, but Jihoon declines, saying that a guest shouldn't do that. Guanlin doesn't argue, instead he tells the older boy that they could just do the dishes together. Jihoon doesn't say anything, not wanting to argue anymore, and does what the younger told him. He tries not to mind the tiny gap between them, their arms touching occasionally, as they wash the dishes together. After what seems to be an agonizingly long time—which actually is just a couple of minutes—they finally finish. Guanlin leaves the kitchen first, plopping comfortably on the cream-colored sofa in the living room, breathing out a contended sigh.     

“What should we do now, hyung?” he asks, leaning back on the headrest, as he expectantly looks up at Jihoon. 

“I don't know.” Jihoon shrugs as he takes a seat on a recliner. “Study?”

Guanlin  claps once, his expression enthusiastic. It's weird to be excited for doing such a boring activity. “Yes, I think we should do that. I actually brought my textbooks with me...”

You might find this uninteresting, considering that these two boys should've done something more entertaining, seeing it's somewhat a sleepover after all. They could've played Mario Kart, which is a lot more fun. But they're both aware that exams are just right around the corner and time is ticking rather agonizingly fast. Guanlin suggested that they should study together, so here they are, sprawled around the living room coffee table, textbooks strewn atop. Jihoon helps Guanlin with Math and Hangul while the other boy offers to help him with English, which is great because the younger boy actually lived in LA for some time so his English is fluent. 

“Hyung,” Guanlin suddenly says after a long time of just studying. Jihoon looks up from his vocabulary worksheets to meet the younger boy's eyes. “Can we make a deal?”

One of Jihoon’s eyebrows rises up at the question. “What kind of deal?”

Guanlin   leans in closer to Jihoon, one of the corners of his mouth turning up to form into a smirk and his eyes glinting mischievously. Jihoon startles a little, his pupils widening in surprise. “Let's make a deal: whoever places higher on the exams shall be granted a wish.”

“A-a wish?”   Jihoon repeats, blinking at him owlishly.

“Yes, a wish,” Guanlin confirms, leaning back to give Jihoon some space. “It's a good deal, hyung. It's a form of motivation—to make us study harder. And it's completely beneficial; it does not only motivate us, but it'll make our parents proud. What do you say, hyung? Do we have a deal?”

“Not so beneficial to the loser, though,” Jihoon mutters.

Guanlin   grins, reaching out a hand. “Isn’t that the point? C’mon, hyung. Let’s do this.”

Jihoon   ponders over for a moment. The deal sounds so tempting, especially to his competitive side. Jihoon is greatly aware that you shouldn’t make agreements like this to Guanlin, who placed 2nd overall on his grade on last year’s finals whereas Jihoon didn’t even reach the top 10. Winning this seems impossible, but Jihoon knows that it’s really not. After all, he kind of slacked at studying last year. Maybe this time, if he’ll study harder, he would make it.

Jihoon  wills himself to shake the younger’s hand, gripping it tightly under his hold. “It’s a deal then.”

Guanlin   smirks, eyes determined as he stares at his hyung. Jihoon can only gaze back, trying not to think about the possible negative outcome of this whole agreement.

 

* * *

 

Guanlin  falls asleep first, lying down on the sofa with a book sprawled on his stomach. He’s too tall, his feet dangling on the armrest, but somehow he still sleeps like a baby with his mouth slightly open, snoring silently.

Jihoon   chuckles as he sees the sight in front of him. He wants to wake Guanlin up to let him sleep on the bedroom, but Guanlin is already in a deep sleep and he doesn’t want to ruin that. So, he grabs a blanket and a soft pillow from his room and hurriedly returns to the living room. He carefully removes the book from Gualin’s grasp before he slowly lifts his head to place the pillow behind and spreads the folded blanket out to drape it cautiously on the younger boy’s body, making sure he’s fully covered.

“Good night, Guanlin-ah,” Jihoon whispers before turning the lights off and going back to his bedroom.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, question time! (Hope y'all don't mind. I really want to hear you thoughts ♡)
> 
> • What do you think Guanlin really is to Jihoon? 
> 
> • What does Jihoon mean to Guanlin?
> 
> -
> 
> So, it's official: I decided that I'm gonna update on Wednesday every week. Is that okay? Please let me know what you think :) And don't forget to leave kudos! Comments are good too. Thanks, everyone ♡


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii :D This update is a little bit late, but I promise it's longer than the others :) And I apologize for the lack of panwink in this chapter; this one's in Jinyoung's and Woojin's POVs again :D

**IV.**

 

 

**From: cutie ^.^**

            _HYUNG!!! ARE YOU ON A BREAK RIGHT NOW???_

**To: cutie ^.^**

            _in a couple of minutes_

**From: cutie ^.^**

            _I’M COMING THERE RIGHT NOW. YOU BETTER STAY._

 

**To: cutie ^.^**

            _whats the fuss abt?_

 

**From: cutie ^.^**

            _I’M GONNA TELL YOU WHEN I GET THERE._

 

**To: cutie ^.^**

            _…all these caps r making me nervous_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Jinyoung! Costumer’s coming!”

Jinyoung startles at his coworker’s call, hastily shoving his phone into his pocket. He gets up from his crouching position on the floor and straightens up, tidying his uniform as he does so. He moves over to the cashier just as a costumer walks up. Jinyoung flashes the familiar face in front of him one of his dazzling smiles that never once failed to make people instantly be charmed by him.

When he was on his first week on the job, he didn’t know how to smile and would always avoid the costumers’ gazes. His manager had called him out for it and told him that if he would keep being like that, he’d have no choice but to fire him. He didn’t know what to do, so he sought out Daehwi’s help.

“You’re an idiot, hyung,” Daehwi had said, his tone serious. “Why don’t you smile and be cheerful in front of the costumers? It’s not that hard!”

“Well, for _you_ ,” Jinyoung had pointed out. “It’s too hard for me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” Jinyoung shrugged, a heavy feeling growing inside his chest. “I—I’m not really that confident, you know? Smiling in front of people makes me uncomfortable. What if they won’t like me? What if they—”

“They won’t,” Daehwi had cut him off. “You’re too hard on yourself, hyung. You shouldn’t be this cynical. You’re handsome, kind, talented, and a damn good friend too! Any person who tells you otherwise is not in the right mind.”

“Daehwi-ah—”

The younger boy held up a finger, shushing him. “I’m not done yet, hyung. You shouldn’t interrupt me while I talk about this. _Oh my god_ , you should have more confidence with yourself! Degrading yourself like that will eat you up. Please remember this: you’re much greater than what you think you are. You are more than that. You’re better than those self-doubting thoughts going around in your head. So, stop trying to tell yourself otherwise and start believing in yourself.”

After Daehwi had told him those words, Jinyoung had finally found his self-esteem. Although it took a while to learn how to smile and warmly greet the costumers, the effort was all worth it. He didn’t really know what to do if Daehwi wasn’t there for him. That boy is nothing but a blessing in his life.

“Good morning, Mrs. Kim!” he greets cheerfully at the lady of mid-thirties at the other side of the counter. “The usual iced mocha, I presume?”

“Good morning, Jinyoung dear.” Mrs. Kim offers him a kind smile. “Hmm. Not today. I want something much stronger. Espresso, maybe?”

Jinyoung swiftly punches in her order. “Rough day, Mrs. Kim?”

“Yes,” the lady replies with a deep sigh. “Lots of work to be done today.”

“I’m sure you can do it, Mrs. Kim.” The young boy gives her a rather genuine smile. The lady thanks him and tells him that she’d actually like to have him as a son-in-law, to which Jinyoung only laughs. “And that would be four thousand won, by the way.”

After Mrs. Kim gets her order, Jinyoung waves at her goodbye and hopes that he made the older lady’s day better. He tends to two more costumers when Daehwi finally arrives at the coffee shop. The sight of the blond boy wearing an orange sweater inside a denim overall causes Jinyoung to unconsciously smile. Lee Daehwi can wear anything tacky and still look cute. He waves at Jinyoung, smiling brightly before he takes a seat by the window overlooking the crowded street outside.

Jinyoung has finished serving a particular hotheaded costumer when his manager finally announces his break. With a smile, he buys Daehwi and himself drinks: Choco Hazelnut Frappuccino for the blond boy and iced Americano for him. Daehwi once joked at his choice of drink, claiming that it matches Jinyoung so well. The older then agreed, lightheartedly saying that it’s as dark as his soul.

Jinyoung reaches to Daehwi’s table, placing their drinks on top before settling himself on a seat opposite to the younger boy. He’s still staring outside in a daze, his chin on his hand and a faint smile on his pretty face. Jinyoung finds himself also looking out, appreciating the good weather. It’s rather sunny today, the sun lighting up the streets and the skies are pretty clear, no signs of clouds floating on the surface. It’s a very comforting sight.

Jinyoung averts his gaze from the window and faces Daehwi instead. He coughs loudly, causing the younger boy to wake up from his trance and look at him. “So, what is it that you wanna tell me?”

“Oh, hyung!” Daehwi beams at him, reaching out his hand and squeezing it. “Summer is really coming back to me! And it’s even better than the last time.”

Jinyoung absentmindedly caresses the side of Daehwi’s hand with his thumb. “And why’s that, Daehwi-ah?”

A pretty shade of pink blooms on Daehwi’s cheeks. “Dongho-hyung asked me out on a date.”

“Oh.” His hand on Daehwi’s has stopped moving. “And?”

“He said that he wants to pick up from where we left off,” Daehwi says, a soft smile on his pretty face. “He said that he regretted not contacting me after that summer and that he couldn’t stop thinking about me. He told me that he likes me— _like a hundred times_.” Daehwi giggles and Jinyoung’s heart tightens at the sound. “So I just couldn’t say no, you know? A date would be really nice. I like him, too.”

Jinyoung stays silent for a moment. He knows he should say something, but he just _can’t_. His throat feels scratchy, his head spinning, his heart _aching_. He doesn’t understand what he’s feeling, really. He feels like he’s being thrown into the blender and he just wants to throw up from all the dizziness. He doesn’t feel so good and it infuriates him. He wants to be happy for Daehwi like how the other boy would do when he’s in his position right now. Daehwi has always been there for him, always caring for him and supporting him. He’s so annoyed—annoyed that he can’t feel something that he was supposed to feel. Why is it so hard for his goddamn heart to cooperate with his mind?

“Do you think that it’s a good decision, hyung?” Daehwi asks, breaking the silence for him.

Jinyoung licks his dry lips. “I think it’s—”

_I think that this isn’t a good idea._

“—a good decision,” he finishes with a heavy feeling on his stomach. “It’ll be a shame if you say no, right? I mean, you practically like each other. It seems natural if you two will get married and ride off into the sunset together.”

His confirmation seems to be good enough because Daehwi suddenly brightens up. He grins broadly at the older boy and grips his hand tighly against his own. “Thank you, Jinyoung-hyung.”

He smiles at the younger boy, contended that he made him happy, although the tight feeling on his chest seems to be suffocating him a lot more. He thought that he already convinced himself that he’s already self-assured, but no, it seems like he still has a long way to go.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Woojin invited Hyungseob to watch a movie on Saturday. Being the nice guy he is, he accepted the offer. He doesn't question the movie that they're gonna watch, which is a romance-action movie with the female lead being in love with her guy best friend. Woojin doesn't know if it's enough of a hint to tell that he's totally whipped for Hyungseob.

They're currently watching the movie. Hyungseob's eyes never leave the screen, totally engrossed on the story. Woojin just stares at him intently, observing the way the screen lights up the other boy's features. He loves how much of an open book Hyungseob is; how he creates such dynamic expressions that anyone can see. He knows what face he would make when he's happy, sad, upset, and angry. He loves how everything seems to amaze him, even the small things that seem insignificant. Park Woojin can always read Ahn Hyungseob's expressions, but he doesn't even know what he’s thinking.

He can't help but think that maybe Hyungseob knows, but he just chooses to ignore it for whatever reasons.

“I like the movie so far,” Hyungseob whispers, but it is too loud to be a whisper. He glances at Woojin and he doesn't seem fazed that the boy is already looking at him. “Do you?”

When Hyungseob looks at him like this—with their faces too close to each other—his words always betray him. _Fuck_ , Hyungseob is so beautiful. His porcelain skin, his big doe eyes, his cute nose, and oh my god, his lips are so fucking tempting. _Oh my god_ , he needs to say something right now before this gets awkward.

“I like it so much,” Woojin manages to breathe out, acutely aware that his heart is being a bitch right now. He can practically hear the rapid beating against his chest and oh my god, will he ever calm down whenever he's with Hyungseob?

“I'm glad you invited me,” Hyungseob says, smiling softly at him before his attention returns to the screen.

Woojin becomes aware of his breathing and his own movements as he shifts on his seat. His palms start to sweat despite the blast of air condition inside the movie theatre. He's aware of his own presence beside Hyungseob and hopes that the other boy is aware of him too.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After watching the movie, they went to eat dinner at a meat restaurant because Hyungseob wanted to eat a lot of _samgyeopsal_ and Woojin just couldn't say no to the boy. Then after filling up their stomachs, they eventually make their way home with Woojin accompanying Hyungseob to his house, like he always does whenever they hang out. It was a silent agreement between them and it makes Woojin happy that they both shared this unspoken rule.

They're two blocks away from Hyungseob's house when Woojin stops from his tracks. Hyungseob looks over his shoulder to the boy staring at him with an unexplainable expression. Hyungseob's face morphed into concern.

“Woojinie? Are you okay?”

Woojin's stomach flutters at the endearing nickname. Hyungseob has been calling him that since they were freshmen, but it always has the same effect on him. “Seob-ah, I-I have something to say to you.”

“Hmm?” Hyungseob presses his lips into a thin line as he looks at Woojin. He's always been patient with Woojin, but sometimes he can't help but think that maybe his presence annoyed Hyungseob.

There's thing in Woojin's head called doubt. Everytime he tries something brave, doubt always pushes him back. It's the obstacle that never lets Woojin do something courageous, like confessing to Hyungseob that he was supposed to do long time ago. That doubt is always there, whispering negative thoughts to him, shrinking on what's left of his self-worth.

_What's the point of confessing? He doesn't even like you._

_Do you see the way he looks at you now? He looks as if you're wasting his time._

_You don't deserve someone as sweet and beautiful as Hyungseob. You're just some pathetic loser who has been pining over him for years, never having the confidence to confess._

He clenches his hands on his side, hating the way that these thoughts are actually getting into him.

“Woojinie?” Hyungseob's soft voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

Woojin smiles, as if the chaos in his mind didn't happen. “Oh, it's nothing. I forgot what I was gonna say.”

 _Lies, lies, lies._ All Woojin ever did was lie.

“Oh, okay,” Hyungseob says softly, a hint of disappointment in his voice. “Let's go, then? We're near my house now. It's actually getting pretty late.”

Woojin bites his lip and nods, following Hyungseob on the way to his house. He stares at the other boy's back, contemplating on whether it really is the right time to confess. If it's not now, when will he ever?

The doubt in his head whispers something to him that makes him lose confidence.

They finally reach Hyungseob's house, which is actually a single-story house with pastel blue exterior and whole bunch of flowerbeds on their front yard. They both glance at the house before looking at each other. A momentary silence passes them before Hyungseob finally speaks up.

“Thanks for this day,” he says, grinning. “I had a lot of fun.” He sounds so sincere and Woojin is soaring in euphoria.

“Yeah, me too.” Woojin smiles at him. “So, see you on Monday?”

Hyungseob starts to reach for their gate. “Yeah, see you.”

Woojin gives him a wave goodbye before he turns around and starts walking away, both of his hands in his coat; his fingers digging hard into his palms. He feels the tears of frustration starting to well up in his eyes. _Damn, you can't cry right now. This is your fault after all._

Doubts start to take over his mind again; suffocating him and making him feel so worthless.

But behind those doubts, he can sense it. It's small, but it's there. _A tiny glimmer of hope._

Before he lets the doubt take over him again, he turns around and starts running back to Hyungseob's house. He stops outside their gate and breathes a sigh of relief when the boy still hasn't entered their home.

“Hyungseob!” Woojin calls out before he even lets hesitation come to him.

“Woojinie?” Hyungseob looks confused as he opens the gate and steps out to meet the other boy. “What are you doing here?”

“I came back back as soon I realized that I can't run away anymore.”

Hyungseob blinks at him, still looking perplexed. “Run away from what?”

There are doubts whispering in his head, but he chooses to ignore it and focuses on that tiny hope instead. He takes a deep breath and finally says the words that he should've said to Hyungseob years ago.

He can't run away from his feelings anymore. No, not right now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm being annoying, but it's question time again! :D
> 
> 1\. What does Jinyoung really feel about Daehwi?
> 
> 2\. What do you think does this mean: _"He can't run away from his feelings anymore. No, not right now."_? What do you think will happen to Woojin and Hyungseob after this? 
> 
> 3\. This chapter greatly focuses on "self-doubt." How do you fight self-doubt? Any advice for the boys and basically other people who's experiencing this? 
> 
> 4\. Who's your favorite couple so far on this fic? And why? I really want to know :D
> 
> -
> 
> It's actually okay when you don't answer, but it would be really, really nice if you do :D It helps me get inspired ♡ I really like reading your comments :) And also, don't forget to leave kudos! Thank you so much for reading. Always appreciated ♡


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry that this update's late and super unedited T.T I actually updated this earlier but I had problems updating and I had to redo it. Anyways, I really do hope you enjoy it!
> 
> And thank you so much for all the support T.T A hundred kudos and 1.3 hits??? Wanjeon daebak really heol! I love you guys ♡

**V.**

 

It's Monday—exactly a week before exams. Every student is busy studying, not wasting any time for other things. Jihoon and his friends huddle together in their usual table on the cafeteria during lunch, their textbooks and notes scattered on top along with their unfinished lunch. As the others hunch over the table, attention focused on studying, Woojin nibbles absentmindedly on his bread without even looking at the table.

Jihoon glances at him warily, seeing that the other boy's attention is fixed somewhere else. He follows his gaze and it lands on a far end table, where Hyungseob and his other friends are sitting. Jihoon notes the emotions on Woojin's face—how he stares at Hyungseob with such a longing and sad expression. The sight of his friend wearing such a painful expression worries Jihoon. Ever since this morning, Woojin has been looking at Hyungseob nonstop and it's not even the usual dreamy, casual glances that he's given the other boy. Rather, it's some kind of a heartbroken look. Jihoon can't really tell what happened to these two. He wants to know. He wants to ask Woojin what really happened, but he knows that it is best not to intervene.

Jihoon hates not knowing, but he hates not being able to help more.

He should find some time to talk to Woojin and see if he can help him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Apparently the others have also sensed that something is going on with Woojin. First, it was Daehwi and Jinyoung that approached him before they went to their respective classrooms. They had pulled him him into an empty hallway and Daehwi voiced out his concerns, mentioning a few times that it's definitely got to do with Hyungseob.

“They've been pretty distant with each other lately,” Daehwi had said.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung had agreed. “Hyungseob-hyung couldn't even look at him in the eye.”

“Should we talk to him?” Jihoon asked, his tone uncertain. “Or should we wait for him to talk to us first?”

“You should talk to him, Jihoon-hyung,” Daehwi suggested. “You're his best friend. He trusts you the most.”

Jihoon nibbled on his bottom lip, thinking. “But I suck at consoling people, Daehwi. If it is what we think it is, I really don't know how to talk to heartbroken people.”

“It really doesn't matter, hyung,” Jinyoung said. “As long as you're there to comfort him.”

Guanlin, on the other hand, decides to voice his concerns via messages. Jihoon is in the middle of Chemistry class when he feels his phone vibrate again on his pocket. He glances at the teacher and seeing that he's still pretty much preoccupied with writing something on the board, he fishes out his phone and opens Guanlin's messages under the table.

 

**_swaggy boi from taipei_ **

_woojin hyung looks gloomy today_

**_swaggy boi from taipei_ **

_do you think something happened, hyung?_

**_swaggy boi from taipei_ **

_it worries me a bit._

 

Jihoon sighs. Even the younger has noticed.

**_pink hyung_ **

_Don't worry about it. I'll talk to him._

****

**_swaggy boi from taipei_ **

_yes please do that, hyung. before it gets any worse._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Woojin, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Classes have ended for the day and students start to leave the classroom. Hyungseob had already said goodbye to them before he left, like everything was normal. But Jihoon knows it's not, noticing how Woojin had kept a great distance between him and Hyungseob.

The red-head boy looks at Jihoon for a moment, obviously uncomfortable. “I-uh, I need to go home right now. I need to study.”

“You and I both know you don't study until the night before exams,” Jihoon points out and Woojin visibly flinches. “So you don't have to give me that excuse in order to avoid talking to me.”

“Jihoon, I—”

“Let's not talk here.”

Woojin is silent as he follows Jihoon out of their classroom, past the hallways, and into the spacious, empty gym. Jihoon takes a seat on the lowest bleacher, placing his bag beside him. He looks at Woojin still standing a few feet from him, doing absolutely nothing.

Jihoon sighs. “What are you doing?” He then pats on the empty space beside him. “Sit.”

Woojin hesitantly obeys, but he still makes sure to sit a couple of distance from Jihoon.

A silence has passed.

A minute.

Two minutes.

And then three.

And then four.

And then Jihoon finally speaks. “Are you okay?”

Woojin flinches; apparently taken aback by the question. “Uh, yes. I'm okay.”

“No, you're not,” Jihoon says, looking at Woojin with an unwavering gaze.

Woojin nervously laughs. “What makes you say that?”

“Something happened to you and Hyungseob, right?”

Woojin blinks at him, surprised. “What?”

“You're a bad actor, Woojin,” Jihoon says. “You can pretend all you want, but I still know that something is wrong with you.”

“I don't know what you're—”

“You know exactly what I'm talking about,” Jihoon cuts him off. “Tell me what happened, Woojin.”

Woojin stares down at his feet. “Nothing happened, Jihoon.”

Jihoon lets out an exasperated sigh. “You know, if you don't want to tell me, I'll probably just force the answers out from you.”

Woojin doesn't answer.

Jihoon takes a deep breath. “So, tell me. It's about Hyungseob, isn't it?”

“Maybe,” Woojin responds softly. “I don't know.”

“What do you mean?”

“It's complicated,” Woojin says, rather vaguely. “I want to tell you, but I can't.”

“Woojin—”

“You need to trust me on this, Jihoon,” Woojin says, finally meeting his gaze. “I—I'll tell you soon, I promise. Just... just not right now.”

“I understand.” Jihoon nibbles on his lower lip thoughtfully. “But if you need anything, you should talk to us, you know. The others are also worried about you.”

“I'm fine,” Woojin says, offering Jihoon a small smile in reassurance, but it only does the opposite. “Don't worry about me, okay?”

 _How can we not worry about you when you're acting like this?_ Jihoon wants to say, but instead, he finds himself nodding; a heavy feeling settling deep on his stomach.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Do you think they’ll be okay, hyung?”

Jinyoung looks up from preparing his bag to meet Daehwi’s concerned gaze. He offers him a smile in assurance. “They’ll be okay, Daehwi-ah. I’m sure Jihoon-hyung knows what he’s doing.”

“I know, but.” Daehwi bites on his nail—a habit that he does when he’s nervous or thinking about something. “I’m just really worried. We should’ve talked to Woojin-hyung a little sooner—like _really talk_. We only gave him useless advice and now that he’s suffering, we’re just standing here and doing nothing.”

“We shouldn’t really have to blame ourselves, Daehwi-ah,” Jinyoung says softly. “Heartbreak is inevitable.” And a bitch, he wants to add, but decides against it.

“I know, hyung,” Daehwi responds, almost quietly. “But we should really talk to Woojin-hyung soon, okay?”

Jinyoung gives him smile. “Yes, let’s do that.”

They exit the school with arms linking with each other, telling funny stories and laughing without any care in the world. It is when they’re almost on the school gates that they spot a familiar figure waiting with hands inside his jeans’ pockets.

Jinyoung squints. “Is that—?”

“Dongho-hyung!” Daehwi calls out, untangling himself from Jinyoung to run towards the older boy. He almost gives Dongho a hug, but manages to just smile at him instead.

Jinyoung cautiously approaches them. He waves at Dongho awkwardly. “Nice seeing you again, Dongho-hyung.”

“Nice seeing you too, Jinyoung,” Dongho says with a smile. Then, he coughs. “And um, would you mind if I steal Daehwi from you for a while?”

“Oh,” Jinyoung says. He doesn’t know how to respond to that, clearly overthinking the word ‘steal.’ He really doesn’t want to suffer thinking about it. “I really don’t mind. _Please_ do take away this drama queen away from me.”

Daehwi scowls. “ _Yah!_ ”

Dongho only chuckles; clearly amused. “Thanks, Jinyoung.” He then turns to Daehwi, his smile bright. “Let’s go, Daehwi-ah.”

Daehwi looks at Jinyoung. “See you tomorrow, hyung?”

“Yeah, see you.”

Jinyoung watches the couple walk away and disappear from his line of sight with a tight feeling in his chest. He tries to ignore it as he turns and starts going to the opposite direction.

 

* * *

 

 

_Jinyoung ran._

_He ran as fast as he could, ignoring the ache on his legs and the loud ringing in his ears. He ran, letting the cold night breeze nip into his skin. The cold was unbearable in his thin white shirt; he should’ve bought his jacket, but he left his house without even thinking and looking back. He couldn’t bear to listen to his parents fight anymore; couldn’t bare his father yelling to his mother, telling her that he’ll leave because he doesn’t want to live a life like this anymore. That was when Jinyoung started running—running to wherever his heart takes him._

_He ended up in front Lee Daehwi’s house._

_Once he regained his breath and cleared his mind, he straightened up from his bent posture and turned to look up at the house in front of him. He didn’t know why he ended up here, but he knew for sure that he didn’t want to bother someone—especially Lee Daehwi._

_He spun around and started to walk away, when he heard his voice._

_“Jinyoung-hyung?”_

_It was Daehwi, only a few meters away from him. He must’ve come from an errand, judging from the bag of grocery that he was carrying. He was looking at Jinyoung with a look of both confusion and worry. The sight of the younger boy wearing such an expression stirred something inside of Jinyoung and he found himself walking towards him, closing the gap between them as engulfed Daehwi with a hug._

_He started sobbing then. Daehwi was startled at the contact at first, but he eventually loosened and hugged Jinyoung back. He knew that it was a wrong thing to do—the least thing that he wanted to do was to make Daehwi worry—but he just couldn’t stop the tears from coming. He cried onto the younger’s shoulders, his arms around his tiny body frame, seeking support and finally letting down all his defenses. Right there in Daehwi’s arms, he poured out all of the emotions that he spent a long time bottling up._

_“It’s okay, Jinyoung-hyung,” Daehwi whispered softly. “It’s gonna be alright.”_

_The younger’s voice brought a wave of calm inside Jinyoung’s heart that was raging with a storm of emotions. He loves how Daehwi was the only one who could bring this kind of soothing effect on him._

_“Daehwi-ah,” Jinyoung managed to breathe out in between sobs. “You won’t leave me, right?”_

_“I will never,” was Daehwi’s immediate reply. He broke away from the hug to cup Jinyoung’s face, his unwavering gaze never leaving him. “Listen to me, okay? I will never, ever leave you, Bae Jinyoung. No matter what happens, I will always stay by your side.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“I promise.”_

_He searched into Daehwi’s warm brown eyes to search for a lie, but he couldn’t find any. He smiled at the younger boy, his heart finally at ease._

* * *

 

 

As Jinyoung lay on his bed, staring up at the empty ceiling of his dark bedroom, he thinks of Daehwi’s back figure walking away from him in the arms of someone that’s not him. He doesn't like to think about the fact that Daehwi will eventually slip away from his grasp. But as witnessed the sight of the younger boy’s disappearing figure, it leaves an empty feeling inside him, as if a part of him has been torn off.

He curls up on his bed, suddenly feeling alone and vulnerable.

 _Of course it’s going to end up like this_ , he thinks. _Everybody leaves anyway._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :')
> 
> Questions:
> 
> 1\. What do you think really happened between Woojin and Hyungseob?
> 
> 2\. Was Jihoon a good friend when he decided to confront Woojin? Why?
> 
> 3\. What is Jinyoung really feeling? What does Daehwi mean to him?
> 
> Again, I apologize for the lack of panwink T.T There's supposed to be a panwink chapter before this one, but I didn't have the time to finish it, so it ended up like this? I promise I'll make it up to the panwink shippers tho! I'm slowly building up their story, so please wait ;)
> 
> Please do comment and give kudos :D I appreciate every single one of them ♡ Thank you so much for reading! I love you all ♡


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should be titled: Angst Writer Attempts to Write Fluff. (And yup, that's basically the whole chapter's summary.)
> 
> I'm so sorry for the delay, y'all. We had exams, so T.T I also apologize if this was all over the place. Gosh, I'm such a mess. Still hope you like it tho :)

**VI.**

 

 

Jihoon stays on the gym as Woojin finds his way out. He watches his friend's disappearing figure with a heavy heart. He puts his head in between his legs, covering his face with his hands with a deep sigh. Saying that he's frustrated is an understatement; he downright loathes himself for letting Woojin walk away without solving anything. He hates how it was the most perfect timing and he couldn't even do anything about it. 

  
  
He's such a fucking idiot. 

  
  
He's so engrossed in his own thoughts that he doesn't hear the gym door opening and footsteps padding on the floor. A presence of another person appears before him.

  
  
"Jihoon-hyung."

  
  
Jihoon looks up. "Oh. Hi there, Guanlin."

 

"Hyung," Guanlin says; a concerned look etched on his face. "Why are you still here?"

  
  
"I could ask you the same."

  
  
"I was looking for you," Guanlin responds and Jihoon's heart skips a beat. He ignores it. "I met Woojin-hyung outside and he said that you're here, so—are you okay, hyung?"

  
  
"Ah." He feels something warm trickle down his left cheek and he wipes it away. When did he even start crying? "Fuck."

  
  
"Hyung?"

 

"Please don't look at me, Guanlin," Jihoon says, trying to cover his face as he ducks his head down. "I'm a mess."

  
  
"Hyung," Guanlin says before he crouches on the floor, looking up at Jihoon. "Please talk to me, hyung. Tell me what happened with Woojin-hyung."

 

He doesn't know what it is with Guanlin, but he quickly finds himself opening up to the younger boy. He heaves a deep breath before he responds. "I'm an idiot, Guanlin. I'm such a bad friend."

 

"You're not."

 

"I am," Jihoon argues. “I shouldn't have let him walk away like that without solving anything. There's definitely something wrong with him and I couldn't even do a goddamn thing. I—”

 

"Please don't say that, hyung." Guanlin gently removes the elder’s hands that are covering his face and holds them in his own, his grip tight and secured. "It's not your fault, okay? Don't blame yourself; you've done your best."

 

"You don't understand, Guanlin," Jihoon says. "He needed a friend and I couldn't even give him that."

 

"Stop blurting out nonsense, hyung." Guanlin's tone is serious and Jihoon just stupidly blinks at him, surprised. "You should know that having the guts to talk to him makes you a damn good friend, so stop saying otherwise. You did great, hyung. Please remember that."

 

Jihoon finds himself nodding without saying anything. 

 

"Let's go home, okay?" Guanlin smiles, two prominent dimples showing, as he reaches out to ruffle the older's hair. 

 

Jihoon feels his face heating up at the younger's relatively intimate gesture and he finds himself getting flustered. "Y-yah, Lai Guanlin! Stop messing up my hair!"

 

Guanlin, that fucking bastard, just only smirks. "Why? Does that make you uncomfortable, hyung?"

 

"D-do you want to die?" Jihoon threatens, rather stupidly. Guanlin's teasing actually gets to him and he hates how it makes him blush furiously. What the hell is happening to him? 

 

"Not today, hyung!" The younger boy gets up from his crouching position. "I'm still young and I still pretty much have a lot of things to do—including getting a certain hyung safely home."

 

"I'm pretty much capable of doing that myself, thank you." Jihoon grabs his backpack and slings it over his shoulder, finally getting up from the bleacher.

 

"Pshh, I doubt that." Guanlin rolls his eyes in a teasing manner. "You couldn't even tie your shoelaces properly."

 

Jihoon looks down at his shoes and sees that Guanlin is right: his shoelaces are now untied from unproper knotting. He utters a stupid "Oh," before he starts to bend down to fix it.

 

"You don't tie your shoelaces like that, idiot," the younger boy chastises before kneeling down with one foot and grabbing the shoelaces from Jihoon. Their hands touch for a moment and it sends a slight shiver up on Jihoon's spine. "You have to do double-knot to keep it secured."

 

He watches Guanlin secure two knots with his long, slender fingers before his gaze moves up to the younger's face, letting his eyes linger for a moment. He studies the curves of his eyes, his nose and his lips and the flutters of his long eyelashes. And then it strikes him.

 

Why is Guanlin so bright all of a sudden? Does he always glow like this? He can't seem to remember.

 

"Done." The younger's voice snaps him out of his thoughts and he quickly averts his eyes to  _anywhere but Lai Guanlin_. "Ah, seriously, hyung. Could you pick a more decent pair of shoelaces? These neon ones are the ugliest things I've ever seen."

 

"Yah, Lai Guanlin." Jihoon wills himself to scowl at the younger boy. "I've had enough of your shitty attitude. Learn to respect your hyung, don't you?"

 

"What are you talking about? I respect you a lot." Guanlin winks at him and Jihoon's jaw unhinges in shock. This idiot actually winked at him! The nerve! 

 

" _Aishhhh_ —"

 

"Okay, let's go home!" The younger boy jumps on his feet and turns towards the exit. "It's already late!" 

 

Jihoon lets out a deep sigh before he follows the other boy. The walk towards the school gates is rather quiet before Guanlin decides to break the silence.

 

"You know, hyung," he says, looking over his shoulder to where Jihoon is. "I think Woojin-hyung is gonna be okay."

 

Jihoon raises an eyebrow. "What makes you say that?"

 

Guanlin just smiles. "I just know."

 

 

* * *

 

  
  
When Woojin turns into a corner on his way home, someone is there.

  
  
It's Hyungseob—he's standing under a streetlamp, gripping both straps of his backpack, jumping lightly on his toes. He smiles as he sees Woojin.

  
  
"Hey," he says.

  
  
Woojin cautiously approaches him. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

  
  
"Waiting for you," he replies with a broad grin and Woojin's heart beats violently against his chest. 

  
  
"Why?" 

  
  
Hyungseob smiles. "Let's go home together."

  
  
"Hyungseob-ah—"

  
  
"It's okay," Hyungseob says. "This time, I'll be the one to take you home."

  
  
"Seob-ah," Woojin says. "Jihoon talked to me earlier. He knows that something is up; he knows that it has something to do with you. Maybe he thinks that--" He licks his drying lips. "Maybe he thinks that you rejected me and because of that, I'm heartbroken."

  
  
"Are you?"

  
  
Woojin blinks at him. "What?"

  
  
"Are you heartbroken right now?" Hyungseob asks softly, his tone evident of pain. 

  
  
"Seob-ah." Woojin tries to reach out for him, but he decides against it; his hands curling helplessly on his side. "You know it's not because of you. It's because of me. I-I suck at coordinating my emotions and—"

  
  
"Please don't blame yourself, Woojinie," Hyungseob cuts him off. "I'm the one who said it to you and now you're clearly suffering because of it."

  
  
Woojin shakes his head. "No, I completely understand why you said that and I made it pretty clear that I'm okay with it, right?"

  
  
"But you're not."

  
  
"Hyungseob—"

 

  
"Park Woojin," Hyungseob whispers carefully, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I don't deserve you."

  
  
"No," Woojin says, affirmative. He then comes closer to the other boy and places his hands on his cheeks, willing Hyungseob to look at him. "It is  _you_  that I don't deserve."

 

 

* * *

 

 

_"Hyungseob!" Woojin calls out before he even lets hesitation come to him._

 

_"Woojin?" Hyungseob looks confused as he opens the gate and steps out to meet the other boy. "What are you doing here?"_

 

_"I came back back as soon I realized that I can't run away anymore."_

 

_Hyungseob blinks at him, still looking puzzled. "Run away from what?"_

 

_There are doubts whispering in his head, but he chooses to ignore it and focuses on that tiny hope instead. He takes a deep breath and finally says the words that he should've said to Hyungseob years ago._

 

_He can't run away from his feelings anymore. No, not right now._

 

_"Ahn Hyungseob," he starts carefully. "Do you still remember that day in the playground swings? We were still freshmen back then; so full of dreams and not caring about the world. I was alone before you came. You were smiling when you sat on the swing beside me and it was as if you brought the sun with you; you were so bright and full of optimism. You told me about your plans for the future and said that you were set to make them come true. Even now, you still dream on becoming a veterinarian because you just like animals so much." Hyungseob laughs at this and Woojin finds himself smiling, his heart starting to feel at ease. "After telling me those, you asked me about my own plans. I couldn't answer you because I haven't thought of the future at all; I just told you that I actually just wanted to dance. It was a silly response, but you didn't judge me. Instead, you smiled and told me that it was great and that you'd support me in everything that I'd do; that you'll always be there for me, even if I'd make stupid decisions over and over again."_

 

_"I never told you this but," Woojin adds, "you actually made me happy when you said those words. I was struggling back then and you became my anchor. It was such a great feeling, knowing that someone is there whenever you need them. It was just supposed to be an ordinary day, but it wasn't for me. That day became the catalyst of my life. You know why?" Woojin takes a deep breath before he continues. "That was the day when I fell in love with you."_

 

_Hyungseob's eyes widen, clearly surprised by the sudden confession._

 

_"Seob-ah," Woojin says softly. "I've loved you since that day and I still do. I'm sorry for taking so long to say this to you. I know that I'm already two--three years late, but... let me just say this again: I love you, Ahn Hyungseob."_

 

_A long, agonizing silence has followed after Woojin finally uttered those words. The quiet and the stillness of the atmosphere and the unreadable expression on Hyungseob's face break his heart._

 

Have I messed up? Maybe I shouldn't have confessed. I'm a fucking idiot.

 

_He awkwardly coughs to somehow break the silence. "So, uh—you don't have to answer me now. If it makes you uncomfortable, maybe I should—"_

 

_"Oh my god, Park Woojin," Hyungseob blurts out. "You're such an idiot."_

 

_Before Woojin can even process his words, Hyungseob has closed the distance between as he tackles Woojin into a tight hug._

 

_Saying that would Woojin is surprised by the sudden contact is an understatement. He's confused and overwhelmed and he doesn't even know what to do, so he just stands there stiffly as Hyungseob's grip tightens around him._

 

_"What took you so long, idiot?" Hyungseob whispers against his shoulder._

 

_"It's your fault," Woojin says. "Why do you have to be so goddamn beautiful? It was so hard reaching you."_

 

_Hyungseob laughs. "Stupid. You're the one who was so hard to reach."_

 

_"What do you mean? I kept sending you signals and you didn't even notice."_

 

_A pause. "No, you didn't."_

 

_"I did, stupid," Woojin says. "Like a hundred times. Why are you so oblivious?"_

 

_"I didn't think you have feelings for me."_

 

_"Only someone dense would say that."_

 

_"You're dense too, you know." Hyungseob pulls away and gives him a glare. "Did you even know that I like you?"_

 

_"What?"_

 

_Hyungseob blushes as Woojin's gaze focuses hard on him. "Didn't you hear me? I-I like you. It sounds pretty stupid after hearing your confession, though."_

 

_Woojin grins at him, reaching out the other boy's hand to entertwine it against his own. He can't even hide how happy he is right now. "I think it's enough for me."_

 

_"Is it, really?" Hyungseob bites on his bottom lip, a habit that Woojin knows so well whenever he was anxious about something. "I think my feelings are nothing compared to yours. You lo—liked for three years and I only realized that I like you recently. I-is that really okay?"_

 

_"Knowing that you feel the same way is enough for me." Woojin plants a kiss on Hyungseob's knuckles and he feels the other boy shiver slightly at the touch._

 

_"Woojinie," Hyungseob says after inhaling a sharp breath. "I really, really want to fully reciprocate your feelings. I don't know how long will it take, but... you'll wait for me, right? For me to finally reach you; to finally able return those three words that you have said to me."_

 

_He finds himself smiling to Hyungseob's words. This boy never fails to make Woojin fall in love with him even more. "Of course, I'm willing to wait. Only for you."_

 

_Hyungseob smiles back at him. "Thank you, Woojinie."_

 

_A silence passes over them again. Woojin scratches the back of his neck. "Um. So. Are we—are we dating now?"_

 

_Hyungseob visibly blushes. "Oh, um. I guess we are."_

 

_"Wow," Woojin breathes out. "I still can't believe it. I'm actually dating you now—the boy whom I've been pining for years. It's crazy."_

 

_Hyungseob giggles, rather abashedly. "You make it sound like I'm such a big deal."_

 

_"You are." At his words, Hyungseob blushes. He loves how the other boy blushes so easily._

 

_Hyungseob covers his face with a free hand. "Oh god."_

 

_Woojin laughs. "I think it's time for you to go inside."_

 

_Hyungseob purses his lips, trying to hold back a smile, and nods slowly. He hesitantly removes his hand from Woojin as he starts towards the gate. He's done unlocking the gate when he looks back at Woojin with a somewhat grim expression._

 

_Woojin furrows his eyebrows at this. "What is it, Seob-ah?"_

 

_"Woojinie." Hyungseob fiddles at the hem of his hoodie, clearly in deep thought. "Can we... can this be a secret between us? I-I don't want anyone to know about this yet."_

 

_Woojin can hear his heart breaking at that moment, but he disregards it. "About us dating?"_

 

_Hyungseob hesitantly nods. "I think I'm still not ready for it yet. I-I mean, I..."_

 

_"I understand," Woojin says, willing himself to offer the other boy a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it, okay? I know that you'll tell them when you're ready. I can wait."_

 

_Hyungseob smiles. "Thanks, Woojinie. And um, good night."_

 

_"Good night, Seob-ah."_

 

 

* * *

 

 

_He's supposed to be happy, but what he's feeling right now seems to say otherwise._

 

_There's an unsettling feeling in his chest and it bothers him._

 

_(He doesn't understand what he's feeling, really.)_

 

_He doesn't know what to do and that fact alone is fucking infuriating._

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Woojinie." Hyungseob's voice is soft, reaching out to hold Woojin's hands that are cupping his face and carefully removing them to entertwine their fingers in between them. "Maybe we—maybe we should tell them."

 

Woojin furrows his eyebrows. "Are you sure?"

 

"I don't want to see you suffering because of this," Hyungseob says, his eyes sad.

 

"But you said you'll tell them when you're ready."

 

"I know, but—"

 

"It's okay, Seob-ah." Woojin gives him an abstemiously genuine smile. "I'm fine, okay? I'm just experiencing this weird phase right now, but I'll get over it."

 

Hyungseob looks unconvinced. "Are you sure?"

 

Woojin nods. "Yeah, I'm okay. But you what's really bothering me?"

 

"What?" Hyungseob asks; his tone concerned. 

 

Woojin grins mischievously, poking his left cheek with an index finger. "You still haven't kissed me to make me feel better."

 

Hyungseob bursts out laughing, the sound sending a wave of calm inside him. "What the hell, Park Woojin."

 

"So, you're going to kiss me or not?"

 

"Well, if it really makes you feel better." Woojin can see the slight pink tint on the other boy's face as he leans in to plant a quick peck on Woojin's cheek.

 

Woojin finds himself blushing this time as Hyungseob reels back; his pretty face bright red from the contact. 

 

"Let's go home," he says to Woojin.

 

The red-haired boy is unable to hide his smile. "Okay." 

 

They start walking down the street, letting themselves engulf into a comforting silence as they enjoy the night breeze that nips at their skin; the mere presence of each other bringing them the luxury that they didn't know they needed. Woojin thinks, as he looks at their intertwined hands, that this isn't so bad after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehehehehehehehe. I have no words :)
> 
> No questions this time because I know I'm being annoying :') Tell me your thoughts on this chapter, though. Please don't be shy :D And don't forget to leave kudos! Thank you so much ♡ Lots of love from yours truly ♡


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: I don't know anything about the Korean high school education system, so just beware of the inaccuracy :) And I sort of made up their average scores, so those might be wrong too. I should've put their grade levels at the beginning, so here it goes:
> 
> Guanlin - 1st Year  
> Daehwi, Jinyoung - 2nd Year  
> Jihoon, Woojin, Hyungseob - 3rd Year
> 
> Enjoy! :D (Also this is unedited, so I apologize for the mistakes T.T)

**VII.**

 

It's the day of the release of the exam results and Jihoon is nervous.

 

It's not that he's not confident about his performance during the exams—he's answered his papers with all his best—but the thought of Lai Guanlin actually surpassing him gives him an uneasy feeling in his stomach. 

 

_Well, let's not think about that._

 

There are a couple massive boards in their school lobby, where the results of each grade will be posted soon. Along with his classmates, Jihoon stands in front of their respective board in anticipation, the uneasiness of the atmosphere almost suffocating. Beside him, Woojin scrolls through his phone without much worry. Well, what do you expect from him, really? 

 

Jihoon glances at him momentarily and notes the slight smile on his face. So much has changed within a few days. Jihoon had seen the gloomiest expression ever plastered on his friend's features last week and now, he can't help but notice the actual glow on his face. Like, where the hell did that heartbroken, miserable Park Woojin go? 

 

Jihoon is as confused as ever.

 

His eyes wander around to where Guanlin’s class gather around and meet the gaze of no other than the devil himself. He's already looking at Jihoon's direction and when he catches his eyes, he unabashedly smirks and mouths a “Good luck, hyung.” Jihoon can only stare back with a determined, unafraid look.

 

Mr. Choi, their homeroom teacher amd along with other teachers, finally arrives with a massive roll of paper in his hand. Jihoon and his classmates wait in anticipation, their attention solely focused on him, as he moves to stand in front of them with a big smile.

 

“Good morning, everyone,” he greets cheerfully and the class replies with a chorus of ‘good morning, Teacher Choi’ in return. “This quarter's results are definitely surprising. Some of you went down and some skyrocketed their way to the top. For those of you who received high ranks, I want to congratulate you in advance. And for those who didn't, it's okay! You still have a chance on the next quarter, so don't be disappointed!” He offers them a reassuring smile. Jihoon thinks that Mr. Choi is actually such a nice teacher. “Anyway, I'm gonna post it now.”

 

They all squeeze together as Mr. Choi rolls the paper onto the board and tapes it carefully to keep it secured. There are several gasps of surprise and then loud chorus of hollers as the results come into full view. 

 

Jihoon holds his breath as he scans the list for his name and swears that his heart stopped beating when he finally finds it, unable to believe his rank.

 

  1. _Park Jihoon_



 

“What the hell?” Woojin utters in disbelief, staring at Jihoon with wide eyes. “ _You're_  second place?”

 

Suddenly, all eyes are on him and some of his classmates approach him, giving him smiles and congratulating him on his rank. He can only offer them a weak nod in return, still in awe that he's actually in 2nd place. He's never placed second in his entire life, in terms of academics.

 

Well, until now.

 

He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and fishes it out. He opens to see that Guanlin had messaged him.

 

**_swaggy boi from taipei_ **

_hyung, what place are you in?_

 

With a bit of pride swelling in his chest, he texts back a reply.

 

**_pink hyung_ **

_2nd. You?_

 

It takes only a second for the younger to reply.

 

**_swaggy boi from taipei_ **

_i'm 2nd too!_

 

**_swaggy boi from taipei_ **

_congratulations btw, hyung._

 

**_pink hyung_ **

_Congrats to you too, Guanlin :) That means we're draw, right?_

 

“Not so fast, hyung,” says a voice from behind him. 

 

Jihoon jumps on feet in surprise and turns to see Guanlin standing with the biggest grin to ever appear on his face. 

 

“What the hell,” Jihoon manages to breathe out. “You scared me.”

 

Woojin, who he almost forgets is there, regards the younger boy's presence with a small wave. “Oh. Hi there, Guanlin.” 

 

“Hey, Woojin-hyung,” Guanlin greets back with a smile. “How are this quarter’s results?”

 

Woojin grunts. “Still pathetic, it seems.”

 

“Why am I not surprised?” Jihoon says mockingly.

 

“Shut up.” Woojin glares at him. “I know that you're second place now, but it doesn't give you the right to disrespect me like this.”

 

“Since when did I even respect you?”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

Jihoon scrunches up his nose in feigned disgust. “Ew, no thanks.”

 

Woojin tries to hit him on the head, but he fortunately avoids it, laughing.

 

“I'm fucking leaving!” Woojin announces gruffly and then turns to start walking. “See you later, lovebirds!”

 

As soon as Woojin disappears from their sight, Guanlin is the first one to talk.

 

“So, what’s your average, hyung?”

 

“Uh, 93.7?”

 

“That’s really high, hyung,” Guanlin says, and then he smirks. “But not high enough. I’m 94.5.”

 

He feels his heart stop for a moment. “What, really?”

 

Guanlin drags him to where his class results stand and indeed, Guanlin ranks second and has a 94.5 average.

 

“So…” Guanlin prompts, looking expectedly at Jihoon.

 

Jihoon tries to sound nonchalant, although his heart is beating fast. “So?”

 

“That means I win, right?”

 

Jihoon shrugs. “Well, I guess.”

 

“So, you’ll grant my wish?” Guanlin asks, beaming.

 

“Yeah,” Jihoon says in defeat. What can he do? “I don’t break my promises. What’s your wish, anyway? And why are you so adamant about it?”

 

“Oh, it’s nothing really, hyung.” His expression on his face says otherwise; seeing that the younger boy is so close to actually grinning.

 

“What is it?”

 

Guanlin smiles. “I want you to take me to the amusement park.”

 

Jihoon blinks at him, stunned. “That’s all?”

 

“Yes.” His tone is affirmative.

 

Jihoon almost breathes out a sigh of relief. “And here I thought you’d wish for a brand new PlayStation or something.”

 

Guanlin’s gaze on him is challenging. “Oh? Do you want me to?”

 

“No!” Jihoon says immediately, and then coughs, suddenly feeling awkward. “The amusement park is fine.”

 

“That’s great then, hyung.” Guanlin beams at him, dimples showing. “But that means you have to pay, right?”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“So, is Saturday fine?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“It’s a deal, then,” Guanlin concludes with the broadest smile ever. “We should also invite the others.”

 

Oh, boy.

 

* * *

 

 

Daehwi ranks first in their class again. It’s not a surprise, really; Daehwi advanced for a year because he’s just too smart. 

 

As Jinyoung watches him being congratulated by their classmates, he feels the urge to go to him and just hug him; tell him that he’s so proud of him for doing such a great job. But no—this stupid pride of his is holding him back, telling him that Daehwi’s had enough and he doesn’t need Jinyoung anymore. It’s petty, but he can’t help but feel that way. 

 

It’s better to keep some distance before it’s all too late.

 

“Jinyoung-hyung!” Daehwi calls out to him as soon as the crowd thins out. He walks towards Jinyoung and casually slings his arm around him. Too close. “You went up, huh? You’re in top ten now. What about getting some  _tteokbokki_  to celebrate?”

 

“I’m not hungry,” Jinyoung says dismissively, shaking away from the younger boy’s grasp. 

 

“What?” Daehwi looks at him with a puzzled expression. “But you love  _tteokbokki_!”

 

“I don’t.”

 

Daehwi pouts at him. “What happened to you? Why are you so gloomy? I mean, you’re always gloomy, but these days you’re just extra gloomy. Are you okay, hyung?”

 

The concerned look on Daehwi’s face does things to his heart, but he decides to just brush it away.  _Stop it_. “I’m fine.”

 

“No, you’re not,” Daehwi says. “Please tell me all about it, hyung. Is it your dad again?”

 

“Why are you being annoying?” Jinyoung asks sharply, causing the younger boy to flinch. “And you shouldn’t be too concerned in other people’s problems. It’s none of your business.”

 

“And why are you being so mean?” Daehwi looks like he’s about to cry; his warm eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Of course I’m concerned! I’m your friend, hyung. It’s natural to be concerned.”

 

“You shouldn’t be,” Jinyoung spits, his voice hard. “I don’t need anyone’s concerns. It’s all pity, anyway. I’m fine on my own.”

 

“You’re being an asshole,” Daehwi says softly. “I’m genuinely concerned right now and you’re saying that it’s all pity? How could you?”

 

“Are you sure it's not pity? It seems like it is to me.” 

 

Daehwi pushes Jinyoung, hard, that he nearly topples towards the ground. He looks at him with tears on his face now and the sight just breaks Jinyoung’s heart.  _No, stop. You did this. There’s no place for guilt right now._ “Fuck you,” he says before turning away.

 

He only watches Daehwi walk away from him with a tight feeling inside his gut. 

 

_This is what you wanted, right? So, this is what you get._

 

 

* * *

 

Woojin discovers that Hyungseob is fond of skinship. He pulls Woojin into an empty classroom (while everyone is busy with the results) and immediately pulls him into a tight hug, his chin on top of Woojin’s shoulder.

 

“I missed you,” he whispers in a dangerously low voice and Woojin finds himself slightly shivering because wow, that fucking turns him on.

 

“But we just saw each other?”

 

“You’re too far away,” Hyungseob says. “I was so tempted to hug you, but that would give us away, right?”

 

Woojin awkwardly coughs. “Um, right.”

 

“You’re still okay with this, right?” Hyungseob asks carefully.

 

Woojin pulls back from the hug, but still keeps his arms around Hyungseob. He smiles reassuringly at him, lightly brushing the other boy’s bangs in a form of an intimate gesture. “It’s really fine. Besides, I think this isn’t a bad idea. I’m still not ready for everyone’s teasing and all that, so don’t worry about it, okay?”

 

Hyungseob grins and leans in to kiss his nose, causing him to blush furiously because oh my god, he definitely wasn’t ready for that. “Okay then,  _boyfriend_.”

 

That word sounds so good in Woojin’s ears. “Please say that again.”

 

“What? You mean…  _boyfriend_?”

 

“Yes,  _boyfriend_.” He cups Hyungseob’s face and lightly bring him towards him to plant a kiss on the spot between his eyes. Hyungseob giggles as Woojin kisses his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, and his chin. Woojin’s gaze stops on Hyungseob’s lips and he just can’t stop himself. “C-can I kiss you?”

 

Hyungseob just blinks at him. “Um, you just did?”

 

“N-no, I mean—” Woojin can feel his face getting hot right now. “Can I properly kiss you?”

 

“Oh.” Hyungseob blushes, too, and Woojin just finds it so fucking endearing. “Okay.”

 

“Okay.” He starts to lean in and Hyungseob gently closes his eyes. Their lips are  _so close_  to touching when they hear the door opening and they jump back from each other in shock.

 

“What the actual fuck?” Lee Daehwi shouts; his face aghast.

 

Well, shit.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty disappointed with the outcome of this chapter and will promise to work harder in the future to provide more exciting chapters T.T Please bear with me, guys, especially for all of those who are anticipating for Panwink :D 
> 
> And I'm bringing back the questions! (Yay?)
> 
> 1\. Why do you think that Guanlin wishes to go to the amusement park instead of asking for something more expensive?
> 
> 2\. Is it a good decision for Jinyoung to push away Daehwi? Why?
> 
> 3\. What do you think will happen to Woojin and Hyungseob next, now that Daehwi has found out?
> 
> Thanks for your support, guys! Please do leave comments and give kudos ♡ I love y'all ♡♡♡


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everybody! Hope y'all have a good holiday :D Also happy birthday to our adorable alpaca, Lim Youngmin! ♡
> 
> I'm sorry for the delay (I kinda had a writer's block), but I can say that this is my favorite chapter so far??? It's kinda chaotic and my writing's a mess, but please do enjoy!
> 
> You can listen to these songs as you read this chapter: 
> 
> \+ Campfire - Seventeen  
> \+ Better Better - Day6  
> \+ Best Part- Daniel Caesar (ft. H.E.R.)  
> \+ 18 - One Direction  
> \+ pink skies - LANY
> 
> (Excuse my music taste.)

> **VIII.**

 

 _Okay, you can do this_ , Jihoon tells himself as he takes a deep breath. Making sure he’s ready, he raises an arm to knock on the door and a few seconds later, it opens to reveal a very pretty _noona_.

“Ah, Jihoonie,” Lai Guanlin’s sister says, beaming at the sight of Jihoon. “Here to pick up Linlin?”

Jihoon tells himself to calm down, but the sight of Guanlin’s older sister makes him a bit nervous. Damn, the Lai genes are amazing. “Yes, noona.”

“Please wait a moment.” She smiles at him sweetly (Jihoon blushes at this) before turning her head inside. “Linlin, Jihoonie’s here!”

Guanlin appears almost immediately after his name got called out. He’s wearing a grey hoodie, black ripped jeans, and a pair of Vans sneakers. Jihoon notes the round spectacles on the younger boy’s face and admits (rather hesitatingly) that Guanlin looks good with them, especially with his hair up today. Jihoon’s outfit is an obvious contrast to the younger boy’s: a pink cardigan over a white striped shirt with light-washed ripped jeans and yellow Converse sneakers.

“We’ll be going now,  _jiějiě_.” Guanlin plants a peck on his sister’s cheek as a form of goodbye (Jihoon guesses) before stepping out of the doorway.

“Please be careful, you two,” she says. “And Linlin?”

“Hmm?”

She says something in Mandarin that seems to fluster Guanlin; seeing that there’s slight pink color on the boy’s cheeks when he calls out his _noona_ (also in Mandarin) in a chastising manner. Jihoon just stands there, looking as confused (and also totally amused) as ever.

 

* * *

 

 

They’re the last ones to arrive. The others are already waiting on the amusement park entrance, all of them engrossed on their phones. Seonho is the first one to notice their arrival, his face lighting up at the sight of Guanlin.

“Guanlin-hyung!” he calls out before running towards him to tackle him into a hug. Jihoon just stands there awkwardly as he watches the two with a weird feeling inside his stomach.

“Seonho-ah,” Guanlin breathes out, his voice strained from the tightness of the hug. “I can’t breathe.”

Seonho stops hugging Guanlin, but still keeps his arm linked around the older boy. “I’m so glad you invited me, hyung! We rarely see each in school and we haven’t hung out for years!”

“We always see each other in school,” Guanlin corrects, but he smiles fondly at the boy nonetheless. “And we just hung out last week?”

“I still missed you,” Seonho says, leaning his head on Guanlin’s shoulder.

Jihoon finds himself biting the inside of his left cheek before he decides to just turn away. He scans the crowd and notes that aside from Woojin, Daehwi and Jinyoung, Hyungseob and Euiwoong also came along. Looks like Guanlin invited more people.

But what could possibly go wrong, right?

 

* * *

 

 

“Hyung, let’s ride this one!” Guanlin suggests, pointing at the massive ride in front of them.

“No, thank you,” Jihoon refuses, rather nonchalantly. To be honest, the thought of riding the Viking scares Jihoon, but he’s not gonna admit that out loud.

“Oh, come on, hyung.” The younger boy looks at Jihoon with sparkles in his eyes. The eagerness is real. “It will be fun!”

“No,” Jihoon says in affirmation, causing Guanlin to pout in disappointment.

“I’ll go with you, Guanlin-hyung!” Seonho chirps, grinning broadly.

Jihoon doesn’t know what’s gotten into him as he frowns and says, “Nevermind. Maybe I’ll go with you after all.”

Guanlin immediately brightens up, smiling with that usual (and rather annoying) gummy smile of his—with dimples and all. Jihoon finds himself smiling at the sight of the younger like this. It’s amazing how Guanlin is able to smile like this with just a few words from Jihoon. (He doesn’t really know if it’s a good thing.)

“I think we all should go,” Woojin suggests. “Let’s all scream together as we plummet towards our deaths.”

Daehwi looks at him weirdly. “You’re being gross, but okay. I’m in.”

The others also agree (and even Jinyoung who’s not saying anything) and they all approach the Viking with nervous hearts, taking the last three seats at the back. Jihoon, Guanlin and Seonho occupies the front part; Woojin, Hyungseob and Euiwoong in the middle; and Daehwi and Jinyoung at the back.

Jihoon grips the rail tighly, aware of his heart beating rapidly against his chest in utter nervousness. At the corner of his peripheral vision, he catches Guanlin looking at him in his ashen state; the younger’s expression etched with apparent concern. He reaches out to place a hand on top of Jihoon’s pale knuckles, his touch gentle and calming.

“It’s okay, hyung,” he tells him. “You can hold onto me.”

Jihoon catches Guanlin’s warm eyes and nods, finding the younger boy’s words rather comforting.

And then the ride starts. There’s a chorus of soft ‘woos’ as it starts out with a soft swing first, but as the Viking ascends higher, that’s when they all scream. (Jihoon is so tempted to cover his ears as he hears Woojin’s ear-piercing scream, which can probably be heard outside the Earth, summoning whichever extraterrestrial creatures that hear his calls.) Guanlin is laughing beside him, obviously enjoying all of this. He reaches for Jihoon’s hand and intertwines their fingers together, urging the older to raise their arms. Jihoon obliges and finds himself letting out a laugh as their linked hands are raised above their heads, the cool wind whipping against his face. He screams with the others, finally finding the overwhelming feeling of enjoyment and exhilaration of the ride.

This isn’t so bad after all.

 

* * *

 

 

“Well, that was fun!” Despite being disheveled from the ride, Hyungseob looks genuinely happy; his optimism radiating with so much light that it’s almost blinding. Ahn Hyungseob is the sun and Park Woojin is drawn into him.

What did he do in his last life to deserve someone this beautiful?

“I think I’m gonna puke,” Daehwi says, clutching his stomach with a green expression. Woojin immediately steps away from him and the other boy gives him a rather murderous scowl. He apologizes, now terrified that if he somehow wrongs Daehwi, he’ll probably meet with a not-so-good fate.

Lee Daehwi, after all, knows his (supposedly) secret relationship with Hyungseob.

After emerging into the empty classroom (that was actually Daehwi’s classroom) and discovering the couple on the verge of kissing (“What the actual fuck?” he had yelled out), it took Woojin a few seconds to realize that they had been found out.

“Daehwi-ah,” he managed to say. “I—I…”

Why the fuck were his words betraying him right now? He should say something!

“Y-you…” Daehwi had spluttered, also finding a hard time with his words. “You two were—I thought you were… oh my god.”

“Yes,” was the only thing Woojin could say.

“What?” Daehwi looked at them with wide eyes. “You two… are you really—?”

Woojin had let out a deep sigh. “We are.”

“No freaking way.” Daehwi’s mouth fell slightly open as he sank onto the floor. He looked at Hyungseob. “I thought you rejected Woojin-hyung.”

Hyungseob stared down on the floor. “I didn’t.”

Daehwi turned to Woojin. “So, why were you so miserable and obviously avoiding Hyungseob-hyung?”

“I was being overly-dramatic.”

“Oh my god,” Daehwi breathed out. “Since when did this happen?”

“Two weeks ago?” Woojin had answered hesitatingly.

“And you didn’t even tell us?” Daehwi asked accusingly.

“I convinced Woojinie to keep it a secret,” Hyungseob responded. “I wasn’t ready to tell it to you guys—well, I still am.”

“So, please do us a favor, Daehwi-ah,” Woojin started, “and keep this a secret from others.”

Daehwi had bitten his lip, looking rather hesitant. “You will be the ones to tell them, right?”

Woojin nodded. “When we are ready.”

“Then, it’s a promise,” Daehwi said. “I won’t tell them.”

Hyungseob smiled at him, relieved. “Thank you, Daehwi-ah.”

“But you have to tell them soon enough, hyungs,” Daehwi had told them. “Before they find out themselves.”

And that was the end of their agreement. Daehwi was right; they shouldn’t keep this for too long—the others will find out sooner or later.

But first: Lee Euiwoong needs to stop touching Hyungseob.

Woojin watches with a scowl as the younger boy places a hand on Hyungseob’s arm, leaning onto him _a little too close_.

“Ride this with me, Seobie-hyung,” Euiwoong says, pointing at something. Woojin doesn’t bother to find out what this boy wants to ride because he’s so busy burning holes on the boy’s hand on Hyungseob with his gaze. And he even calls Hyungseob with a cute nickname? _His_ Hyungseob, at that?

And why is he here anyway?

This is _so_ unacceptable. He wants to do something to scare off the younger boy. He wants to scream that Hyungseob is his boyfriend, but no, he needs to restrain himself. _Calm the fuck down, Park Woojin. This isn’t gonna solve everything._

So, he just remains silent.

 

* * *

 

Jihoon is exhausted. They had ridden three different kinds of rollercoasters and a ride that spins very fast that his head hurt. He’s so tired that he can almost feel his soul leaving his body, whereas Guanlin is still very much full of energy.

“Bunny ears suit you, hyung.” Guanlin holds up the pastel pink headband with a grin. They’re inside the souvenir shop now; Guanlin had insisted that they needed to buy headbands to complete the “amusement park spirit.”

“It’s cute,” Jihoon comments, getting the headband from Guanlin and slipping it on his head. “What do you think?”

“I think you’re cuter, hyung,” Guanlin says without a moment of hesitation, flashing a dimpled smile.

Jihoon feels his face burn at the compliment.

“Guanlin-hyung!” Seonho bounds up to them with a broad grin. “We should get matching chick headbands.”

Jihoon frowns.

“Sure, Seonho,” Guanlin agrees before letting himself get dragged away by Seonho.

Jihoon shouldn’t have let Guanlin invite people.

He waits for them outside and they come bursting out the shop after about ten minutes, wearing matching chick headbands that send a frown on Jihoon’s face. It soon disappears as Guanlin approaches him with a gummy smile.

“Here, hyung.” He reaches out for Jihoon’s hand and places something on his palm.

Jihoon furrows his eyebrows at him. “What is this?”

“A keychain,” Guanlin replies, his smile growing bigger. Jihoon looks at the thing on his hand and indeed, it is a keychain: a small white bunny character with wide, sparkling eyes, at that. “I saw it and thought that it looks like you, so I brought it.”

Jihoon feels the heat blooming on his face, as he stares at the keychain fondly, and then at Guanlin with a small smile. “You didn’t have to.”

“I insist,” Guanlin says, and Jihoon thinks that his heartbeat may have erratically increased for a moment.

Jihoon gives him a smile—a genuine one. “Thank you, Guanlin.”

“You’re welcome, hyung.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m so hungry I could eat a horse!” Woojin states after leaving the horror room with the others.

“Me too,” Jihoon says, clutching his stomach. “Let’s go grab something.”

They all make their way to the food stalls to order some food. Woojin opts for _jjajangmyeon_ and a cola before joining the group who are gathered in a long table, sitting on benches. Woojin decides to play safe as he slides on an empty spot beside Jihoon, who is happily munching on a chicken popcorn that he shares with Guanlin. There’s also Seonho inhaling a mouthful of pepperoni pizza beside him. In front of them sits Jinyoung who is stabbing a bunch of _tteokbokki_ with his chopsticks (with a rather glum expression) beside Euiwoong who is stealing a spoonful of strawberry bingsu from Hyungseob (Woojin is really going to murder this boy). Then there’s Daehwi ever-so-gracefully eating a huge burger. Having them around here brings a smile to Woojin’s face. (Except for a certain Lee Euiwoong who is still very much sticking _too close_ to his boyfriend.)

He eyes them as he eats his _jjajangmyeon_. Euiwoong is still stealing some of Hyungseob’s shaved ice and the other boy doesn’t even do anything about it. Woojin glares at their glued shoulders, his grip on the chopsticks now tightening.

“Oh, Seobie-hyung,” Euiwoong says, staring openly at Hyungseob. “You have something on your face.”

Hyungseob’s beautiful eyes widen. “Where?”

Euiwoong picks up a tissue and dabs it on the corner of Hyungseob’s mouth (WHICH DOESN’T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING!) with a smile. “Here.”

“Oh, thanks.”

Euiwoong grins at him, pinching his cheeks. “Oh, what would you do without me, hyung?”

_That’s it._

Woojin abruptly stands up from his seat, gaining everyone’s attention. But he doesn’t care because Lee Euiwoong is a little shit that needs to know his own space. “ _Yah, Lee Euiwoong! Stop flirting with my boyfriend!_ ”

Everyone turns to look at him in shock (except for Daehwi who stares at him in utter disappointment) and that’s when he realized that screwed up.

_Park Woojin, you son of a bitch. You should’ve just shut your mouth._

 

* * *

 

 

“WHAT?” Jihoon yells in disbelief. “What the hell did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything,” Woojin mumbles, sitting back down on his seat with an unreadable expression. Who knows what’s going on in his mind?

“You definitely did, idiot,” Jihoon says. “You said that Hyungseob is your boyfriend.” He turns to look at the boy. “Is that true?”

Hyungseob only whimpers in response.

“Oh my god.” He doesn’t fucking believe this right now.

Woojin and Hyungseob are dating, he’s sure of it. But why were they keeping it a secret?

Lee Euiwoong is still blinking at Woojin in surprise. “I was just trying to get a reaction from you, Woojin-hyung. I knew that you like Hyungseob-hyung—but this? I didn’t expect this kind of reaction.”

Woojin sinks deep in his seat, as if trying to hide from the world.

“Well.” After a long time of not uttering a single word, Jinyoung finally speaks. “This is awkward.”

Indeed.

“Since when?” Guanlin asks, his voice soft.

“Two weeks?” Hyungseob says quietly.

“And no one knows about this?” Jihoon inquires, furious.

“Actually…” Daehwi looks guilty as he stares down at his lap.

“You knew?!”

“He found out by accident!” Woojin says. “And we asked him to keep it a secret. Please don’t blame him.”

Jihoon massages his temples. “This is giving me a headache.”

Guanlin brings an arm around him, patting his shoulder in comfort, and Jihoon finds himself unconsciously leaning against him.

“I’m sorry.” Hyungseob looks genuinely apologetic. “This is all my fault. I’m the one who told Woojin to keep this a secret from all of you.”

Woojin looks alarmed. “Seob-ah—”

“No, Woojinie,” Hyungseob cuts him off. “Stop trying to take the blame. I’m the one who hindered you from telling the truth. If only I wasn’t such a coward, we wouldn’t have ended up in this situation.”

Hyungseob looks so sad that it actually hurts Jihoon seeing him like this. So he decides to spare them and just try to move on.

“So, you two are dating, huh?” he says, earning confused looks. “I’m giving you both my blessing, but please do keep it PG as possible. I don’t want to see gross PDA in front of my face.”

“Wow, hyung,” Guanlin muses. “Why are you so cool?”

“Shut up, brat.” Although he smiles nonetheless.

“And please do practice safe sex!” Jinyoung adds, looking incredibly amused by the couple’s shocked expressions. “I would throw a bunch of condoms if I have some with me, you know.”

Woojin’s face is beet red from blushing so hard. “No, thank you!”

“Oh my god, Jinyoung-hyung.” Daehwi bursts out laughing and Jinyoung smiles at him. (Well, that was until he realized what he’s doing and frowns instead.)

“What’s a condom?” Guanlin looks genuinely confused.

“Something you don’t need right now!” Jihoon answers, laughing a flustered laugh.

“But maybe soon,” Seonho says with a mischievous grin.

“Yoo Seonho, please shut up.”

 

* * *

 

 

Woojin points at the poster plastered over a bulletin board. “There’s going to be a fireworks show this evening. Anyone gonna stay to watch?”

“I won’t tonight,” Euiwoong says with a shake of his head. “I need to go at the academy later.”

Woojin huffs. “Boring.”

Even though Euiwoong had already apologized for his actions, he still pretty much doesn’t like the boy.

Euiwoong only shrugs. “At least I care about my future.”

Jinyoung raises a hand. “I can’t tonight, Woojin-hyung. Sorry.”

“Me too,” Daehwi says immediately, causing Jinyoung to stare at him. “My mom needs some help at the store tonight.”

“I won’t be going, too,” Seonho pipes up. “Because I have a curfew. I need to be at home by six.”

“Sucks to be you,” Guanlin jokes with a grin, and Seonho lightly pushes him.

“What about you, Guanlin?” Woojin asks. “You staying?”

“If Jihoon-hyung stays,” Guanlin says, looking at Jihoon.

Jihoon, that idiot, blushes. “Uh, sure.”

“So, it’s going to be a double date then?” Hyungseob prompts with a wicked grin.

“No,” Jihoon replies, almost immediately.

Woojin shakes his head, disappointed. Oh, poor Guanlin. He’s a good kid, but by choosing to stay with Jihoon, Woojin thinks that he’s such an idiot. His friend is as dense as a fucking brick, after all.

 

* * *

 

 

Daehwi insists accompanying Jinyoung home. They had argued about this until Jinyoung got tired and finally gave in. The bright expression on Daehwi’s face made Jinyoung think that maybe, he needs this before he can actually let the younger boy go. Being with Daehwi makes him happy, and that fact alone is something that he can’t ignore.

 _This is dangerous_ , he thinks as he glances at the boy walking beside him; his face illuminated by the yellowish glow of the streetlamps in the dark, and the sight sends a flutter inside his stomach. _Too dangerous._

Jinyoung suddenly stops walking and Daehwi turns to look at him with a confused expression. “Hyung?”

“Why are you like this?” Jinyoung blurts out, unable to stop himself.

Daehwi blinks at him innocently. “Like what?”

“You’re acting like nothing happened,” Jinyoung says. “Like I didn’t say those horrible things to you.”

“I figured that you only said those things because you’ve been going through something,” Daehwi says. “It’s okay, hyung. I understand.”

“No, you don’t,” Jinyoung snaps, causing Daehwi to slightly flinch at the tone of his voice. “Don’t pretend like you understand when you don’t.”

“Hyung…”

“You’re supposed to stay away from me,” Jinyoung whispers. “Because I hurt you. I said things that shouldn’t be forgiven.”

“Hyung.” Daehwi’s voice is almost pleading. “I will never stay away from you. I promised to never leave you, right?”

Jinyoung looks away from him and lets out a humorless laugh. “Bullshit.”

Daehwi only stares at him in shock.

“Can’t you fucking see?” Jinyoung says, his gaze hard on the younger boy. “You’re already walking away from me; you’re already leaving. I’m just making it easy for the both of us.”

“Hyung, what are you talking about?” Daehwi looks genuinely lost.

“Don’t pretend that you don’t know, Lee Daehwi.”

Daehwi is furious now. “I don’t understand you, hyung! Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?”

“I don’t understand myself either!” Jinyoung says in a loud voice. His heartbeat is beating fast now. “It seems like I don’t know myself whenever I’m with you. You’re the only one who can make me feel so happy that I’m afraid my heart is gonna burst. And when you promised that you’ll always stay by my side, I felt like the world is finally colliding with me. You made me feel like I wasn’t alone. But turns out, I was only thinking about myself.

“When you found your own happiness, I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t be happy for you. I know that I should, but I just couldn’t. I felt like my world is collapsing whenever I see you with Dongho-hyung. I felt like you’re already breaking your promise; that you’re already leaving me. That’s why maybe… if I stay away from you, I wouldn’t feel this way. B-but why? Why does it still hurt so bad? Why do you still make me so fucking happy? Why, Lee Daehwi? Why are you making me feel this way? Why aren’t you letting me go already?”

Daehwi is too stunned to say a proper reply. “H-hyung—”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Jinyoung whispers. “You should go home now. And be safe.” He then turns away. “Goodbye.”

Jinyoung is aware of the tears streaming down his face as he walks his way home, but he decides to ignore them; hoping that by ignoring them, he’d also ignore the sadness he’s feeling.

 

* * *

 

 

The fireworks show is about to start and Woojin and his boyfriend are nowhere to be found. They had lost them as the crowd begins to thicken, hoping to get the best spots for watching the display. Thankfully, he was holding onto Guanlin, so they didn’t separate. The thought of being alone with the younger makes him a bit nervous.

“Where are they?” Jihoon asks, anxiously looking around and bouncing on his toes.

“Hey.” Guanlin bumps his shoulder against Jihoon to gain his attention. “We’ll find them, hyung. Just calm down first, okay?”

“They aren’t answering my calls, Guanlin,” Jihoon says, his tone furious. “It’s as if they did it on purpo—”

He stops himself as the realization comes to him. He then curses aloud ( _Damn you, Park Woojin. Damn you, Ahn Hyungseob_ ), causing Guanlin to look at him with a confused expression.

“Hyung, what is it?”

There’s no way he’s telling Guanlin that those two definitely planned this, so he just grumbles an almost silent, “It’s nothing, Guanlin.”

As soon as he finds them, there will definitely be a double murder and he won’t ever regret it.

“Hyung,” Guanlin calls; almost inaudible with the loud chatter of the crowd.

“Yes?” Jihoon says.

Guanlin leans in closer to him. “Can I tell you something?”

Jihoon becomes aware of the sudden closeness that it becomes hard for him to say something. “Uh, sure.”

“Hyung, I—”

Jihoon doesn’t get to hear Guanlin finish his sentence as a loud boom echoes throughout the whole place and they all look up to see a beautiful display of fireworks bursting out with colors. Jihoon gazes up with wide eyes and his jaw drops in awe at the view of the dazzling lights in the sky. It’s been awhile since he got to see an actual fireworks display (the last time was when he was seven and their family is still complete; Jihoon thought that it was the happiest day of his life—it was a memory that he couldn’t trade for something else), not just something that he sees on television screens. He forgot how amazing it is and how it feels to be able to see something so beautiful.

He takes a—what hopefully—is a subtle glance at Guanlin and sees that the younger’s features are illuminated by the colors of the fireworks and his eyes are bright and full of wonder. He’s wearing that gummy smile of his again—broad with two prominent dimples. Jihoon takes in the sight of him and realizes how breathtaking Lai Guanlin looks right now. He wonders why he only gets to know this now. He wonders when he will ever get to see this expression again. He wonders why the hell he is even thinking about this.

What the fuck did this boy do to him?

“H-hey, Guanlin-ah!” he tries to call the boy amidst the loud booming of the fireworks above.

Thankfully, he hears him. “Yes, hyung?”

“What were telling me earlier?” Jihoon asks. “I didn’t get to hear it.”

“Oh.” Guanlin blinks at him, and then gives him a small smile. “I said that I had fun today. I’m glad we came here with everyone. Thanks, hyung.”

Jihoon smiles at him. “I had fun too, Guanlin.”

The younger boy lights up at his statement and the expression on his face sends a flutter inside his stomach. He then reaches out and intertwines his long fingers through Jihoon’s smaller ones, his grip tight, but still holds onto him as if Jihoon’s hand is something fragile and precious. Guanlin pulls him closer until their sides are pressed against one another with a smile on his face, not uttering a single word as he looks up at the fireworks display once again.

Jihoon feels the warmth blooming inside his chest, his heartbeat thudding violently inside his rib cage. He can also sense the heat on his face as he stares down at their entwined hands and wonders about this unfamiliar, but surprisingly comfortable sensation he’s feeling right now. He smiles despite himself, turning his attention back to the display, finding an overwhelming feeling of calm with the warm presence of the person beside him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a lot of fun to write, even though the whole process was so slow. I hope you do see the progress of this story, though. I thought that it's easy start a story without an outline, but unfortunately, it isn't T.T I'm trying to squeeze out all my inspiration, so, please watch out for more! ;)
> 
> This chapter's questions:
> 
> 1\. What do you think will happen to Woojin and Hyungseob's relationship, now that everyone has found out?
> 
> 2\. What are Jinyoung's true feelings? What does he really mean by his confession?
> 
> 3\. Is Guanlin finally breaking the bro-zone? Why? (Lmao this question.)
> 
> Thank you so much, guys! Don't forget to leave comments and give kudos! I love y'all! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the other boys + love of their lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, guys. i'm sorry for being mia for weeks ;-; and i apologize for the delay, for my crappy writing, and for what i'm about to do.
> 
> playlist for this chapter:
> 
> \+ home - reese lansangan  
> \+ easy - clara benin  
> \+ is this the right time - paolo mallari  
> \+ steady - b.p. velenzuela  
> \+ 나나나 (nanana) - btob
> 
> (i'm sorry i really like local indie. also btob ;-;)

 

 

**IX.**

 

Ahn Hyungseob doesn’t remember the exact moment when he knew that he liked Park Woojin.

Was it in their first year of high school when Woojin helped him during their PE class? He recalls when the teacher formed them into groups and he was so glad that Woojin was with him. Mr. Kim made them do an aerobic dance routine and Hyungseob was having a hard time during practices. He wasn’t particularly good at dancing because he has zero body coordination, and Woojin had specifically pulled him aside to give him individual lessons. Hyungseob remembers very well that Woojin was shining when he danced—he always is, to be honest. Hyungseob was mesmerized by the way the other boy moves and he worked hard to able to follow him. Their performance was a success and the contentment that he felt at that very moment was overwhelmingly satisfying.

“You did great, Seob-ah,” Woojin had told him, flashing him an encouraging smile.

Hyungseob’s stomach was in chaos as butterflies started fluttering around—like it always does whenever he’s with Woojin.

He wonders if it was during their second year, where Woojin’s brightness was getting noticed by other people. He started to have a lot of admirers, often being confessed to by girls and boys alike. There was always a heavy and uncomfortable feeling settling in Hyungseob’s chest whenever he witnessed those confessions and an overwhelming sense of relief when Woojin turned them down, ever so nice and gentle, making them fall in love with him even more.

When he rejected another confession—a very pretty girl this time—Hyungseob remembers approaching him and asking him why he always said no, and Woojin had only given him a small smile.

“I don’t think I deserve them,” he said, and Hyungseob felt those butterflies flutter again.

During their third year, Hyungseob had learned that it didn’t matter when he exactly started liking Woojin; he just knew that he liked him all along. Acknowledging his own feelings terrified him, but he welcomed it nonetheless, telling himself that it wasn’t really a big deal. That he was just another person who is blinded by Woojin’s light.

But when Woojin confessed to him, that was when his world turned upside down. Saying that he was happy was an understatement—what he felt was nothing compared to being on cloud nine. He felt like his life took a turn and it was for the better. He felt like he wasn’t just another person; he was someone—someone who finally moves around Woojin’s orbit. It was surreal and he couldn’t believe that it happened—but it actually did. They boy he liked had returned his feelings.

It was like he became the luckiest person in the whole world.

 

* * *

 

They are in Hyungseob’s room; his parents aren’t home and he had invited Woojin over to watch some movies. But they end up watching the second season of Stranger Things together, sitting relatively close to each other on the bed with a laptop perched on Hyungseob’s lap. Saying that he isn’t nervous is a lie: this is their first time alone together in a room and the air is filled with awkwardness. Their shoulders aren’t even touching. Hyungseob aches for Woojin’s touch, but he doesn’t know how to initiate contact first. And It’s Killing Him.

“You can lean onto my shoulder if you want,” Woojin blurts out, not meeting his eyes.

“Uh, y-yeah.” Hyungseob mentally slaps himself for stuttering. Why is he such an idiot?

He lets his head fall onto Woojin’s shoulder, trying not to think about it. But his thoughts are filled with Woojin being here, Woojin who is so close to him right now and just _Woojin, Woojin, Woojin,_ and he just wants to squeal like a schoolgirl.

He is _definitely_ not freaking out.

But then Woojin suddenly has his arm around him to pull him closer and he just can’t stop himself from smiling. All of a sudden, he’s feeling brave (probably high from euphoria) and he buries his face on the crook of the other boy’s neck, causing Woojin to chuckle.

“Is this okay?” he asks.

Hyungseob hums, putting his arms around Woojin’s waist and pulling him closer to him to bury his face deeper on his neck. “Yeah. More than okay.”

Moments later, the laptop lays discarded on the floor beside Hyungseob’s bed when they decide that cuddling is much, _much_ better. Their legs are now tangled under the covers and their arms are around each other, and Hyungseob comes into a conclusion that _maybe_ he likes this a little too much.

Woojin likes to pepper him with small kisses on his cheeks, neck, jaw, and temples. It drives Hyungseob crazy (and he can’t even stop himself from giggling too much as Woojin does this.)

“Woojinie,” he manages to say in between laughs as Woojin proceeds to plant multiple kisses on his nose. “If you’re just gonna kiss me, you need to do it properly.”

Woojin stops kissing his nose and leans back to look at Hyungseob straight in the eyes. That’s when he realizes what he just said.

“I, uh…”

“Do you want me to?” Woojin asks with a hint of tease in his voice.

“Um, maybe?” Hyungseob prompts, causing Woojin to raise an eyebrow at him. “I mean—oh my god. I don’t really know what to say.”

Woojin laughs, brushing the other boy’s bangs on his forehead. “You can just say yes, you know.”

“Then, yes,” he answers, almost immediately. “I want to.”

Woojin smiles at him and cups Hyungseob’s face in his hands, caressing a thumb over his cheek. He leans in until their foreheads are pressed against each other. “You know, this is gonna be my first time kissing a boy.”

Hyungseob laughs. “And you know; this is actually my first kiss.”

“Should I be flattered?”

“Ugh, shut up and kiss me.”

And Woojin did. He closes the gap between Hyungseob and him as their lips finally meet. Woojin’s lips are soft against his and all he can think is, _PARK WOOJIN IS KISSING ME OH MY GOD_. At first it’s sweet and innocent, but then Woojin carefully cradles the back of his head, pulling him closer as he begins slowly moving his lips against Hyungseob’s. The other boy tries to follow his rhythm and hopes that Woojin is okay with his stroppy and unexperienced kissing. He lets out a small gasp as Woojin deepens the kiss and Hyungseob reaches out to grip Woojin’s shoulder to steady himself. Woojin must’ve sensed his awkwardness as he pulls away to look at Hyungseob in the eye.

“Is this okay?” he asks quietly. “Am I going too fast?”

“No, no,” Hyungseob says quickly. “It’s just… too overwhelming? I mean, please don’t mind me.”

“I’m sorry.” Woojin looks genuinely apologetic and Hyungseob regrets even opening his damn mouth and ruining the atmosphere. “It’s just that I got too excited. You should know that I wanted to kiss you for a long time now and—”

“Shh, it’s fine,” Hyungseob cuts him off with a smile. “I wanted to kiss you for a long time, too. So, _please_ , can we continue now?”

Woojin lets out a laugh. “My boyfriend is so demanding.”

“And you can’t even resist,” Hyungseob says with a grin.

And then they’re back again with kissing. Woojin kisses him so damn well to the point where it’s becoming intoxicating. Hyungseob reaches out to hold the back of his head, pulling Woojin with him as he leans back to lie on the bed with the other boy hovering over him. They share a few more kisses before they pull back to catch their breaths. Hyungseob gazes up at Woojin with a smile, tracing the other boy’s features with wonder in the same way he stares at the stars in the sky, and he silently gives his deepest thanks to the gods above for the existence of this beautiful boy.

“Park Woojin?” he says with his heart beating fast.

“Yes, Ahn Hyungseob?”

“I love you,” Hyungseob tells him and he means it.

Woojin looks at him deep in the eye and smiles. He leans in to plant a kiss on Hyungseob’s forehead, his lips lingering there for a bit. “I love you too, idiot.”

 

* * *

 

 

To be honest, Lee Daehwi was not thrilled when his mother took him to private vocal lessons, especially when he found out that his teacher was still in college. He wanted to spend his summer with his friends (he always wanted to take Jinyoung to the beach and just have fun), not waste his time taking lessons from someone who wasn’t even a professional.

“He’s great, Daehwi-ah,” his mother had told him. “I personally know his mom and she’s a great singer.”

“Why can’t his mom teach me, then?”

His mother ignores his question. “You’re going to have fun and improve a lot by the end of all your sessions. I can guarantee it.”

Silence was only Daehwi’s reply.

At the first day, Kang Dongho scared him. Daehwi was so intimidated by him that his hands wouldn’t stop shaking and he always made sure to avoid eye contact. The atmosphere during their lessons was so heavy that it was nearly suffocating Daehwi. He wanted all of it to be over soon.

On the second week, Dongho was obviously annoyed at his behavior. He had interrupted their lesson just to ask him, “Are you afraid of me?”

Daehwi nearly pissed his pants right there. He gulped nervously and averted his eyes away from his teacher. “N-no…”

“Then, why are you behaving like this?” Dongho asked, his voice surprisingly steady. “How can we work together when you’re always cowering whenever I come close to you?”

Daehwi didn’t answer him.

“Daehwi-ah.” The way Dongho said his name was so gentle that it tugged on one of Daehwi’s heartstrings. “I know that I may look intimidating, but I don’t bite. I promise.”

When Daehwi turned to look at Dongho, he found him smiling at him. The way his eyes crinkle when he smiles brought an ease to Daehwi’s heart; he decided that maybe Dongho wasn’t that bad after all.

By the following days, Daehwi had noticed things on Dongho that he hadn’t a week before—including the fact that he was _incredibly_ sexy.

On Friday, Dongho was wearing a plain white shirt that was a little loose for him. When he leaned down to pick a sheet of paper on the floor, Daehwi took what hopefully was a subtle peak on Dongho’s now-exposed collarbone and discovered that he had a tattoo there. Daehwi found himself blushing, probably turned on by this fact.

Dongho had looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. “Why are you so red?”

“It’s hot,” Daehwi said, before he could even stop himself.

“The AC is in full blast, though.”

“HA HA HA, RIGHT.” Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why can’t he just shut up his big mouth?

Dongho could only look at him in confusion.

On the third week, Daehwi realized that he had developed a huge crush on Kang Dongho—which explains why he was always checking him out, especially when the older guy wore skinny jeans and muscle shirts that hugged him in the right places. Being all nice and friendly (ugh, and his smile was driving him crazy) didn’t help at all. Daehwi swore that he was intentionally doing this to make him suffer.

“What should I do, Jinyoung-hyung?” Daehwi had asked his friend one night through the phone. He couldn’t stop thinking about Kang Dongho and his stupidly attractive smile. He couldn’t fucking sleep, so he decided to call his best friend for advice.

“Just be yourself, Daehwi-ah,” Jinyoung said on the other line. “If he doesn’t like you for who you are, then he doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“And that means…?”

“Just flirt a lot, you dumbass.”

And flirt a lot was what he did, but stupid, oblivious Kang Dongho didn’t even get the freaking hint and it drove Daehwi crazy that he decided to stop beating around the bush at a particular Wednesday session.

“Hey, Kang Dongho. You know that I’m flirting with you right now, right?”

Dongho had blinked at him at him in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“Excuse _you_ , you dense idiot,” Daehwi had snapped. “Why couldn’t you take the freaking hint? I was so obvious!”

“…What?”

“Dammit,” Daehwi had cursed aloud, obviously frustrated. “Forget that I said anything.”

The rest of the lesson was filled with an uncomfortable atmosphere.

But the next day, Dongho had shoved something on his face without saying a word.

“What is this?” Daehwi asked.

“Um, a ticket to a classical show?” Dongho had tried to sound nonchalant, but Daehwi could hear the hint of nervousness in his voice.

Daehwi stared at the ticket in his hand and smirked, looking at Dongho. “No way. This isn’t your idea of a date, is it?”

Dongho had only shrugged, a faint smile on his lips. “Maybe.”

“You’re such an idiot.”

When they went to watch the show, Daehwi couldn’t even pay attention to the performers on stage as Dongho played with his hands and caressed his palm, sending shivers down on Daehwi’s spine. After the show ended, Dongho had pulled him at the back of the building and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. It almost made him insane.

Daehwi spent the rest of his summer fooling around with Dongho: their vocal sessions had turned into makeout sessions, and he wasn’t even complaining. Daehwi knew that what they were doing wasn’t anything serious and he was fine with it; he could still pretty much kiss Dongho even without any strings attached. Well, that was until summer ended and they had lost contact of each other that Daehwi had realized that he genuinely liked Dongho. He missed him so bad that it actually hurt him.

When they had met again, Daehwi was really happy, especially when Dongho had told him that he liked him, too. Although Daehwi wasn’t ready for a serious relationship yet, Dongho had said that he could wait for him. Daehwi had cried (because what did he do to deserve someone like Kang Dongho) and Dongho kissed all of his tears—insecurities—away, telling him that he is worth it—over and over again.

Dongho has always been patient and kind, and Daehwi is thankful for that. Even when Daehwi ruins their supposedly _ramyeon_ date (this is the day after the amusement park catastrophe) as he voices out his problems to Dongho, the older guy still listens to him with a gentle expression.

“Dongho-hyung, I feel so stupid.”

“Don’t be.”

“I’m probably the worst friend ever in the history worse friends.”

“You’re not.”

“But I am, and you know it.”

“You’re not a bad friend and that’s what I know.”

When Dongho reaches out for his hands and gently clasps both of them in between his own with a reassuring smile, Daehwi feels himself ease at the touch.

“Do you think so?” Daehwi asks softly.

“Yes.”

“Do you think Jinyoung-hyung hates me?”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“Why do you think he’s avoiding me, then?” When Dongho doesn’t immediately answer him, he realizes that his tone had been sharp. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Dongho assures him. “I understand your frustration, but please don’t blame yourself, love. You did nothing wrong.”

“He did somehow blame me, though.”

Dongho is silent from a moment as he purses his lips with a thoughtful expression. He speaks in an almost quiet voice. “Daehwi-ah. I think you need to know something.”

Daehwi regards him with curiosity. “What is it, hyung?”

“I think…” Dongho wets his lips before he continues. “I think Jinyoung likes you.”

Daehwi shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so. I mean, not anymore.”

“I don’t mean that he likes you as a friend,” Dongho says. “I think he likes you… _romantically_.”

Daehwi blinks at him, confused. “What? That can’t be.”

Bae Jinyoung—who is his best friend in the whole world and is now avoiding him like the plague—likes him _romantically_? The whole thought doesn’t even make sense.

“You once accused me of being dense, but look at you now.” Dongho chuckles in amusement. “I mean, did you see the way he looks at you? I know, because I look at you the same way.”

“… Like what?”

“Like you’re the only thing that matters.”

The way Dongho had said those words and the expression that he gave him sends a wave of heat to the younger boy’s face.

“And you know what? I don’t even blame him.” Dongho gives him the smile that never fails to weaken his knees. “It’s so easy to fall for you.”

“ _Hyung_ ,” Daehwi whines, embarrassed.

Dongho laughs at his reaction. “What? It’s true.”

Daehwi glares at him.

Dongho only grins, reaching out to ruffle the younger’s hair. “Don’t worry too much, okay? I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

“But I’m not sure what to do, hyung,” Daehwi says. “I don’t want to lose him.”

Bae Jinyoung, after all, is one of the most important people in his life. They’ve been best friends since they were in 5th grade; they’ve been through hell and back but still stood strong together. They were always there for each other. Losing Jinyoung will be like losing a big part of him and the thought alone is fucking terrifying.

“You’re not going to lose him,” Dongho says in absolute certainty, cupping a hand on Daehwi’s face to make him look at the older straight in the eye. “You’re Lee Daehwi. You’re the bravest and the most determined person that I know. You always find a way to find solutions—no matter how difficult they are—and I’m sure that you’re going to fix this thing with Jinyoung. I just know it.”

Dongho’s words brought calm to the muddle in Daehwi’s chest, and the younger boy finds himself smiling, leaning in to plant a kiss on Dongho’s cheek. “Thank you so much, Dongho-hyung. I appreciate it a lot.”

 

* * *

 

 

Holding hands—that’s what Guanlin and Jihoon have been doing a lot lately. Ever since that day on the amusement park, it occurs a little too often (and ever so casually) and Guanlin isn’t even complaining; in fact, he likes it a lot. Maybe he even likes it a little bit too much.

Guanlin is always the one initiating the contact, and sometimes, surprisingly, it’s Jihoon. (Fuck, he feels like he’s soaring in joy when his hyung does it first.) Because of this, Guanlin looks forward to his mornings a lot more than before. Lately, they’ve been holding hands on the way to school, swinging them back and forth just like how the elementary kids do it. But sometimes, it gets more intimate when Guanlin intertwines their fingers together and just hold Jihoon’s hand tight against his own, even placing it inside his coat’s pocket when it gets cold. He likes that kind of contact most of all because it sends a pretty rose color on the older boy’s cheeks.

He finds joy when he makes Jihoon blush. It’s freaking endearing and he just couldn’t help it. Every time he holds his hyung’s hand under the table during lunch, that’s when he’s most flustered, especially when their friends ask why he’s so red. When he found out that Jihoon likes being complimented (thanks for his blushing), he does it every day now—at every chance he gets. Even when he just simply smiles at him, it still makes him blush.

If Park Jihoon keeps doing this, Guanlin will fall for him even more.

Guanlin thought that it was brotherly love at first; a deep admiration for someone he sees as a potential sibling. Someone who he looks up to. But as he gazes at Park Jihoon from afar—watching the other boy laughing at his classmate's joke—he feels as though there are pterodactyls soaring in his stomach. He stares in wonder as the older boy's hair catches light, making him look like some angel. It was a beautiful sight; Jihoon looking vulnerable yet so free, tearing down his strong defenses and letting the world know that he's more than just a pretty face. He's just a couple of meters away from Guanlin, but he feels as though it was hundreds instead—a distance that he can't seem to fathom. He's just like a star in the sky; he was someone that Guanlin could only stare at, but will never reach.

He realizes that what he felt for Jihoon isn't just a simple brotherly love—it was something more. It wasn't just simply love; it was the kind of love that is beautiful and unconditional. It was the kind of love that doesn't matter if it was being reciprocated or not. A kind of love that no one really understands.

Guanlin loves Jihoon and that fact alone is enough for him, no matter how heartbreaking that seems to be.

But when Jihoon starts looking him differently—after that one eventful day—that’s when he starts to have hope. Before, Jihoon always stares at him like Guanlin is wasting his time, but now he looks at Guanlin with bright, gentle eyes. Before, he couldn’t stand to look at Guanlin, but now, it seems like Guanlin is the only one who he’s always looking at. Even from afar or when they are surrounded by a sea of people, his eyes seem to always find Guanlin. The younger doesn’t like to think that this is truly the case—that Jihoon looks at him the same way Guanlin looks at him—but he just couldn’t stop himself from the thought every time he meets the older boy’s eyes and sees the emotions behind them. Guanlin isn’t blind; he’s not dense like Jihoon, so he knows for sure that his hyung _might’ve_ been starting to feel something for him, too.

It’s a ridiculous and self-indulgent thought, but can’t a boy just have a little bit of hope? It doesn’t hurt really hurt, does it?

 

* * *

 

Guanlin had asked Jihoon to help him on his Hangul homework and the older boy had said yes, so here they are: alone in Jihoon’s classroom doing the said assignment. They are facing each other; Jihoon explaining something while Guanlin just stares at him with a faint smile on his lips. The afternoon light filtering through the leaves of the tree outside touches the older boy’s features softly and the sight sends a wave of fondness to Guanlin’s chest. How can a person this beautiful exist in the same time as him? It seems unreal, but he’s thankful for the universe for that.

“Hey, are you even listening?”

Guanlin blinks at the older boy who’s currently glaring at him. He grins, placing his elbow on the desk and propping his chin on his hand. “Yes, I’m listening.”

“You better be listening,” Jihoon says with a threatening tone, but Guanlin notes—with complete amusement—the slight pink on the other boy’s cheeks, “or else there will be blood on the floor later.”

“Oooh, sounds interesting.”

“Shhh, be quiet.”

And just like that, Jihoon is back with explaining things. Guanlin pretends to listen, but he just doodles on the corners of Jihoon’s notebook (and even leaves a little note written in Spanish for him to research the meaning on later) before he returns to stare at the beautiful boy in front of him.

Guanlin studies the shape of Jihoon’s eyes (this boy has the prettiest eyes, to be honest), his nose, and the curve of his lips, and a certain thought suddenly occurs in the younger’s head. “Hey, hyung?”

“Hmm?”

“Hyung,” he says, throwing the last bit of his dignity out of the window. “Can I kiss you?”

Jihoon’s eyes widen, his cheeks bright red. He opens his mouth and closes it again as he scrambles for a reply. “W-what?”

“Hyung, can I kiss you?” Guanlin repeats, carefully this time.

Jihoon doesn’t answer, still pretty much surprised, as he blinks his eyes at Guanlin. His cheeks are still flushed and it seems like he has stopped breathing. Guanlin doesn’t blame him; it’s all too sudden. But then again, he hasn’t said no.

“Don’t move,” Guanlin tells him, getting up a bit from his seat and placing a palm down on the desk for support. With his other hand, he reaches out to cup the back of Jihoon’s head and pulls him closer. The older boy’s eyes slowly flutter closed and that’s the only confirmation that Guanlin needs.

He knows that there is a smile on his lips as he leans down closer to Jihoon. He knows that it quickly disappears as the door opens and he quickly pulls away.

“Okaaay,” Park Woojin says, looking both extremely scandalized and amused. “I was just about to tell Jihoon something, but— _please_ tell me I didn’t just interrupt a _very private_ moment.”

 _You did,_ Guanlin wants to say, but he just clears his throat instead.  “You didn’t, hyung. I was just going to leave, actually.”

“Doesn’t look like that to me,” Woojin says with a smirk.

Both of the boys blush, and Guanlin quickly grabs his things, shoving them hastily into his bag. He slings his backpack over his shoulder. “I’ll be going now, then.”

“Wait, Guanlin,” Jihoon calls out to him just as he starts walking towards the door. “Can you wait for me at the gate? This will be quick.”

Guanlin feels so happy that he’s afraid he’s going to burst. “Okay, hyung.”

He can’t refrain himself smiling as he goes out the classroom, closing the door behind him. His grin is so broad that it probably reaches the sky. He wonders if that was Jihoon’s way of telling that he’s into him, too. He wonders if they will be able to kiss without any interruptions next time. He wonders if Jihoon is thinking about the almost-kiss, too. He’s so lost in thought that he has already reached the school gates when he realizes that he had forgotten his mechanical pencil.

He lets out a sigh before rushing inside. He stands outside the classroom and decides to just wait until Woojin and Jihoon has finished talking. He suddenly hears them mention his name and he leans closer to the door to listen out of curiosity.

“Hey, Park Jihoon,” Woojin says, his tone filled with amusement. “Are you and Guanlin a thing now?”

“What? No!” Jihoon answers immediately. He seems really flustered.

“Well, do you want to be?”

“Of course not.”

 _Ouch_.

Woojin huffs. “Explain why I caught you two about to kiss, then.”

“He was just inspecting something in my eye.”

“Yeah, _sure_.”

“What? It’s true,” Jihoon says defensively. “Why would we even kiss? _I_ don’t even want to kiss him. Are you forgetting something, Woojin? You’re still completely aware that I hate him, right?”

“Yeah.” Woojin sounds completely bored. “Explains why you look at each other with heart eyes and act all lovey-dovey.”

“What are you even talking about?” Jihoon lets out a laugh and it isn’t even the good kind. “I would never, _ever_ look at Guanlin like that. And we don’t act all lovey-dovey—please stop assuming things. God, can you even imagine me liking him? I can’t even stand him. He always sticks to me, thinking that I could actually _bear_ his presence—”

Guanlin doesn’t get to finish hearing his sentence as he storms out the school building and proceeds to start walking home by himself with tears burning his eyes and threatening to spill down his cheeks. He feels as if his heart has been crushed by a barbed wire and it _fucking hurts so much._ He should’ve known better; he shouldn’t have hoped. Damn, he shouldn’t have assumed. And what did he get for having false hopes?

His first heartbreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wonder if you guys will still forgive me for this :') i don't really have excuses for the delay update; i'm just a really slow writer who needs a lot of inspiration to be able to write lol. (also i realized that i have commitment issues, so i won't promise any more weekly updates?? i'll just update when i can! :D). (i really hope y'all understand ㅜㅜ). and i made a rough outline of this fic and it may or may not have 2 chapters left after this??? ahhhhhhh ㅠㅡㅠ
> 
> also, massive thanks to my [chinggu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/peculxar) who gave me tips on the kiss scene! (yeah, you got me: the reason why i've been avoiding kiss scenes is because i don't know how to write them lmao).
> 
> i really don't have any questions for this chapter, but if you want to ask me something (or maybe just scream at me lmao), i made a [cc](https://curiouscat.me/jaepeels)!
> 
> once again, thank you so much for reading, guys! i really, really love you, y'all <3 i hope you're all taking care of yourselves. have a good day!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm finally back!! i hope y'all didn't get tired of waiting :') this chapter was the hardest to write (and the longest too waaa) and i gave up on how to english at some point, so i apologize if there are any grammatical mistakes :'D 
> 
> i kinda have a love-hate relationship with this chapter and you're about to find out why ;)
> 
>  
> 
> **playlist:**  
>  \+ loop - nell  
> \+ parallel universe - clara benin  
> \+ betting everything (acoustic ver.) - royal pirates  
> \+ 11:11 - taeyeon  
> \+ love me - mind u

****

 

**X.**

 

Park Jihoon is in a flurry of emotions and it makes his brain go haywire. He’s not stupid and he’s not that slow, but all of these things happening all at once are making him question his own comprehensive abilities. First: it was just supposed to be an ordinary tutoring lesson, but Guanlin suddenly asking for a kiss had caused his mind to suddenly detoriate by itself and he didn’t know what had gotten into him to close his eyes without as much of a second thought. Second: Woojin suddenly entering and witnessing what he wasn’t supposed to be witnessing had made him so distressed to the point where he just wants to erase his existence from Earth. And it’s not helping how his friend pushes questions that he honestly doesn’t want to answer right now.

“Hey, Park Jihoon,” Woojin says, his tone filled with amusement. “Are you and Guanlin a thing now?”

“What? No!” Jihoon answers immediately. He doesn’t really understand why Woojin asks him this question every single time. It’s not like Jihoon’s answer is going to change anytime soon.

“Well, do you want to be?” Woojin is looking at him in a scrutinizing way, as if he’s carefully watching the other boy’s movement. And Jihoon is nothing but uncomfortable.

“Of course not,” Jihoon scoffs.

Woojin huffs. “Explain why I caught you two about to kiss, then.”

“He was just inspecting something in my eye.”

Woojin rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

“What? It’s true,” Jihoon says. “Why would we even kiss? _I_ don’t even want to kiss him. Are you forgetting something, Woojin? You’re still completely aware that I hate him, right?”

“Yeah.” Woojin sounds completely bored and it irks Jihoon how his friend doesn’t agree to everything he says. “Explains why you look at each other with heart eyes and act all lovey-dovey.”

“What are you even talking about?” Jihoon lets out a humorless laugh because he’s kind of annoyed by now.  “I would never, ever look at Guanlin like that. And we don’t act all lovey-dovey—please stop assuming things. God, can you even imagine me liking him? I can’t even stand him. He always sticks to me, thinking that I could actually _bear_ his presence. How stupid can he get?”

Silence follows after that, the words that he said weighing heavily as they linger in the air. Woojin stares at him with an incomprehensible expression and Jihoon averts his eyes, his breathing ragged. There’s this uncomfortable feeling settling on his chest and he can’t seem to point out what it is. 

“You don’t actually mean that,” Woojin says after a moment.

“How would you know?” Jihoon asks in challenge.

“Because you’re my best friend,” Woojin replies. “I know you. And I know when you don’t mean the things that you say.”

Jihoon bites the inside of his lower lip. He doesn’t say anything.

Woojin sighs, carefully settling himself on a seat in front of Jihoon. “Tell me honestly. Do you really hate Guanlin?”

“I…” Jihoon trails off. Then, softly, he says, “I—I don’t know.”

Woojin looks at him for a moment before speaking again. “Do you really not know?”

“Yes?” Jihoon says. “No? Maybe? I mean, _ugh_. I don’t really know, Woojin. My head hurts thinking about it. Can we just go home?”

“You’re so fucking hopeless,” Woojin says with a shake of his head. “You always lie, even to yourself.”

“The fuck are you talking about?” Jihoon gets up from his seat, slipping his backpack over his shoulders.

Woojin also stands, his gaze unwavering, daring Jihoon to look away. “You’re a good liar, Jihoon. But not good enough. So, let me just tell you this: you don’t hate Lai Guanlin. You never did.”

Jihoon scowls at his friend before he leaves, purposely bumping onto Woojin on his way.

Fuck Woojin. He doesn’t even know what he’s saying.

Jihoon arrives at the school gate and Guanlin is not there. He looks around, searching for any sign of the younger boy, but to avail. Huh, weird. He’s supposed to wait for Jihoon here.

He fishes out his phone and sends out a quick message to Guanlin asking where he is.

There is no reply.

Jihoon sends out a couple of more messages, but Guanlin doesn’t respond to any of them. And Jihoon begins to panic. _Maybe he wasn’t feeling well and just went home first_ , he thinks.

And then he runs—he runs towards their apartment complex. When Jihoon gets to the Lai’s apartment, Guanlin’s sister greets him with a smile.

“Is Guanlin here?” Jihoon asks, his breathing uneven from all the running.

“Yes, Jihoonie, he’s here,” she says.

“Is he—” Jihoon licks his dry lips. “Is he okay?”

“Yes,” she replies. “He just doesn’t feel too well. I’m sorry if he went home first.”

“Oh, it’s okay, noona!” Jihoon smiles at her. “I’m just glad he’s okay.”

After bidding his farewell, Jihoon goes to their apartment. Even before he goes to bed, his mind is filled with thoughts of Guanlin. As he stares up at the ceiling of his room, his fingers unconsciously touch his lips, remembering the almost-kiss. He feels his whole face burn with heat at the memory and pulls his blanket over his head, thinking, _What the hell? You shouldn’t be thinking about that!_

He glances at his phone on the bedside table and decides to text Guanlin.

 

**_pink hyung_ **

_your sister told me that you don’t feel good. rest well and drink lots of water, guanlin-ah._

Jihoon falls asleep waiting for a reply.

It doesn’t come.

-

When Jihoon fetches Guanlin in their apartment the next morning, his sister tells him that the younger boy has already left. He doesn’t see him on the way to school either. Before the classes start, he asks Seonho if he’s seen Guanlin.

“I think I saw him earlier,” the younger says. “It’s weird not seeing you two together.”

Jihoon sighs. It’s kind of weird for him too.

At lunch, Guanlin is nowhere to be seen either. He’s usually earlier than the others, but it’s been 30 minutes since Jihoon arrived in the cafeteria and the boy still doesn’t show up. Jihoon jabs his chopsticks on his bean sprouts, his thoughts running around, wondering where the hell Lai Guanlin is. Seonho said that he’s here, but why can’t Jihoon find him? It’s almost as if he’s avoiding him.

Jihoon shakes his head at the thought. Of course Guanlin wouldn’t avoid him. It just seems ridiculous.

Right?

“I wonder what happened to Guanlin,” Woojin blurts out, his eyes on Jihoon.

Jihoon scowls at him. How the hell would he know?

“And I wonder what the happened to Jinyoungie,” Hyungseob says. He turns to Daehwi, who is busy trying to finish his soup. “Do you know anything, Hwi?”

Jihoon is so busy thinking about Guanlin’s whereabouts that he doesn’t notice Jinyoung’s absence on their table. Where the hell did these people go?

Daehwi sighs, setting down his spoon. “No. Unfortunately, I don’t.”

Woojin and Hyungseob looks at him sadly.

“Don’t stare at me like that, hyungs!” Daehwi whines.

Before lunchtime ends, Jihoon decides to visit the school library. Being the top student that he is, Guanlin is probably studying right now. When Jihoon turns around a hallway on the way there, he comes face to face with the person that he’s been searching for.

“Guanlin-ah!” Jihoon grins, finally feeling relieved. “Where the hell have you been, kid? I’ve been trying to find y—”

Guanlin ignores him and continues to walk, as if Jihoon is not there. Jihoon stares at him, dumbfounded.

_What the hell?_

Jihoon just laughs it off, jogging to catch up to Guanlin. The younger boy doesn’t even glance at him, his eyes looking straight ahead. Jihoon follows him for a moment before he gets tired and just grabs Guanlin’s elbow to stop him from walking.

“Hey, Lai Guanlin,” Jihoon says after catching his breath. “Can you stop for a moment? I’m too tired.”

“Let me go, hyung,” Guanlin says in an even tone. “I still have a lot of things to do.”

Jihoon raises up his arms in mock surrender. “Okay, star student. I just wanted to know where you have been.”

“It’s none of your concern,” Guanlin says, his pace getting faster as he begins to walk again.

Jihoon trails behind him, his eyebrows scrunched up in slight bewilderment. “What do you mean it’s none of my concern? Of course it’s my damn concern! You had me worried about you.”

Guanlin stops abruptly on his tracks and turns around to face Jihoon so fast that the older boy almost falls backwards in surprise. His gaze on him is hard.

“Stop acting like you give crap about me,” Guanlin says, his voice dangerously low. “Stop pretending that you can actually stand me.”

Jihoon is now confused. “What are you talking about?”

Guanlin lets out a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “You hate me, right? I’m annoying to the point where you can’t even bear my presence.”

Jihoon’s eyes widen as he recalls the exact same words that he said to Woojin yesterday. When did Guanlin—?

“You should’ve told me, hyung,” Guanlin continues, his voice almost a whisper. “You should’ve just told me that you don’t like me straight away. You shouldn’t have pretended that you actually enjoy my company. You should’ve spared me the pretense, hyung. Because thinking that all of it was real and knowing that it isn’t—it hurts, hyung. It hurts a lot. I didn’t know that someone could be this cruel.”

Jihoon’s chest constricts at the sight of the younger boy looking so vulnerable in front of him. “Guanlin-ah—”

“Don’t say anymore, hyung,” Guanlin cuts him off. “Don’t make this harder for either of us.”

He then turns around and disappears. Jihoon finds himself clutching his chest, wondering why the hell it is so fucking painful.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**_From: cutie ^_^_ **

_Hyung, where are you?_

**_From: cutie ^_^_ **

_We need to talk._

**_From: cutie ^_^_ **

_Hyung, please._

**_From: cutie ^_^_ **

_Just this one time, please? Then you don’t have to see me again._

**_From: cutie ^_^_ **

_I swear it to you, hyung._

**_From: cutie ^_^_ **

_I just really need to talk._

**_From: cutie ^_^_ **

_Hyung._

-

 

Jinyoung tosses his phone beside him on the bed and proceeds to heave a deep sigh, throwing an arm over his eyes in hopes of trying to get some sleep. Stupid, stubborn Lee Daehwi and his perfect punctuation. Stupid, stubborn Lee Daehwi and his persistence. Stupid, stubborn Lee Daehwi who’s too good for this world. Stupid, stubborn Lee Daehwi who, despite of getting hurt repeatedly by Jinyoung, is still giving him a chance.

The world doesn’t deserve him.

Jinyoung doesn’t deserve him.

He lets out a groan, frustrated with himself. How could he ever forget Lee Daehwi when he’s all he’s been thinking about?

The heart is a cruel, treacherous thing.

He decides to get up from his bed and heads to the kitchen to get something to eat. It’s already 2:41 in the morning and he doesn’t expect that one of the lights are on, but then he sees his mom sitting at the dining table, nursing what looks like a cup of steaming Camomile tea; her eyes never leaving the piece of paper sitting on the tabletop, even when Jinyoung enters the kitchen.

“Mom?”

She looks up at him with wide eyes, but then she manages a smile. “Jinyoung dear, why are you still up?”

“I got hungry,” he lies, not particularly wanting to say that a certain boy has been keeping him up.

“Oh,” she says. “Do you want me to make you something?”

“Uh, I actually just wanted to eat ramyeon.”

She beams. “Ramyeon it is.”

As he takes a seat on the dining table, his mom makes him ramyeon with lots of cheese—his favorite. She even prepares him some of her homemade kimchi. It makes him feel like the old times; when he was still six years old and too naïve for this world. They were still living in their small apartment in a shabby part of Seoul, but they were happy. Their home was always bright and full of life. Both of his parents would make him cheese ramyeon and he would devour it in less than 10 minutes. His mom and dad would stare at him with adoration in their eyes and they would laugh when he lets out a loud burp. He would pout and pretend to be upset and his parents would pull him into a tight hug just to make him feel better. And then he would say how much he loves them and they would reply that they love him more than everything else in the world.

Jinyoung would do anything to go back to those times; those times when he doesn’t have to worry about losing anyone.

He wishes he can pretend that everything is alright.

He starts to eat his ramyeon and feels the sting in his eyes as he thinks how much he misses the taste of his mom’s ramyeon. Damn, he shouldn’t really cry over a piece of food right now.

“Does it taste bad, dear?” his mom asks a mask of worry plastered on her features.

“No, mom,” he chokes up, mustering a smile. “It still… it still tastes good.”

His mom breaks into a relieved smile. “That’s good to hear.”

He eats his ramyeon once again, trying not to be so goddamn emotional about it. And then his eyes catch the paper on the table.

“Mom? What’s this?” he asks, trying to read its contents upside down but to no avail.

“Ah, about that…” His mom nibbles on her bottom lip, contemplating. “Jinyoung dear, your dad won’t be living with us from now on.”

He blinks at her. “What?”

“I signed the divorce papers,” she explains, her expression filled with resignation. “I think… I think it’s for the best.”

“Mom…”

“I know it’s hard, Jinyoung dear,” she says. “I know that you love your father so much, but sometimes—sometimes you have to let go of someone in order for us to be relieved from the suffering. He’s been in pain for years now, Jinyoung-ah, and I was the one who hindered him from leaving. It broke him.”

“But he’s not the only one in pain, mom,” Jinyoung says, his voice shaky. “We’ve suffered, too.”

“Exactly.” She smiles at him. “If both sides are suffering, isn’t it time to let go?”

He nods without saying anything. It seems like he’s not even sad when he’s supposed to; somehow, he actually feels relieved that his mom had finally decided to sign the divorce papers. Sure, he loved his dad (he was even idolizing him when he was still a kid), but ever since he started becoming a jerk, Jinyoung loses  respect for him as days pass by—until he stops seeing his dad as a decent human being. Even when he was suffering, he should’ve treated his mom better. She doesn’t deserve to be reminded every day that she’s the one who made a lot of mistakes when she didn’t. His mom made a lot of sacrifices in order for them to have a good life and his dad should’ve kept that on his goddamn mind.

His life would be better without him in it.

“I’m glad you finally left that asshole alone,” Jinyoung says, his heart burning with rage for his father.

“Please don’t say that about your dad, Jinyoung-ah,” his mom says softly. “He’s still your father; please don’t forget that.”

“Well, he forgets that he has a family.”

His mom is silent for a moment. “You have every right to be angry at your father. I understand that—but you shouldn’t let those emotions control you. You shouldn’t let such negative feelings change your heart.” She reaches out to put a hand over Jinyoung’s, caressing it slowly just like the old times. She knows that it’s making him feel at ease and he’s thankful for that. “I know that you’re a good kid, Jinyoung-ah. You have a very big heart. I know that this heart”— she jabs a finger on the left side of his chest—“knows how to accept and how to forgive. I know that this heart may be strong, but it’s not hard. It knows how to love.”

It’s amazing how much his mother believes in him. It gives him a lot of strength and makes him gain faith for himself, too. No one has ever believed in him more than his mother does.

_No one believes in you more than Lee Daehwi does._

“Do you still love Dad?” Jinyoung asks softly after a momentary silence.

“I still love him very much.”

“Even if he only gave you pain?”

She smiles. “He may have given me pain, but he also gave me happiness—fond memories that I will always keep in my heart. He’s still the love of my life, after all.”

Jinyoung pauses for a moment to think; to remember the happy moments beyond those painful memories. He reminisces the time when his father would take him home from school and buying blueberry cheesecake _bingsu_ for him to snack on; his father teaching him how to sing love songs using an old karaoke; giving him advices on his crushes at school; buying him his first bike and tending to him when he fell on his first try; eating _tteokbokki_ together at a small cart in front of the building where his mom was working, waiting for her to finish her duty for the night; reading him bedtime stories before he goes to sleep; and listening to him when he had problems at school. Despite all the pain and all the tears, he thinks about those memories with a feeling of warmth in his chest. Those are the moments that he wouldn’t ever regret.

“Mom?”

“Yes, dear?”

“How are you so strong?”

His mother smiles at him, reaching over to place a hand on his cheek. Instinctively, he leans into her touch, feeling like he was a child again. “I gain strength from you, Jinyoung-ah. I may have lost a lot of things and I may have struggled, but you keep me anchored.”

 

 

* * *

 

It’s been weeks and Guanlin still avoids Jihoon like a plague. He feels empty every time he goes to school alone and when he sees the other boy eating at another table at lunch. Guanlin spends a lot of time with Seonho lately and it sends an uncomfortable churning inside his stomach. There are also times when Jihoon doesn’t see him at all. The fact that Guanlin refuses to acknowledge Jihoon’s existence makes him regret a lot of things. Google disaster and you’d probably find Park Jihoon’s picture on the results. He tends to destroy things on his wake and he swears it’s a curse.

And he doesn’t like it.

It’s hell week again and school works are piling up. Jihoon buries himself in homework, trying to distract himself from the depressing thoughts and regrets running around in his mind for a while. But it doesn’t help. He gets preoccupied with little things and ends up burying himself with self-loathing every time Guanlin comes into his mind. That pastel blue pillow on his bed? Guanlin uses that every time he sleeps over. That Lord of Flies book on his shelf? Guanlin gave him that on his birthday last year. That huge Kim Taehyung poster on his wall? He was with Guanlin when he bought that. The mechanical pen he’s holding right now? It’s not even his; it’s Guanlin’s. Everything seems to remind him of the younger boy and he just wants to scream in utter frustration.

_Keep it together, Jihoon_ , he tells himself.

He sighs and grabs his backpack. He begins to open it when his eyes catch the bunny keychain on the zipper. He holds it in between his fingers, smiling as he recalls the day when they went to the amusement park. He was genuinely happy that day.

He wonders when he’ll get to feel like that again.

Letting go of the keychain, he pries open his backpack and fishes out his notebook. He places it on his desk and flips through it, looking for a particular lesson. He’s scanning on the topics when something grabs his attention: a note written in a foreign language. What makes him stop is the fact that it’s Guanlin’s handwriting, of which he’d recognize everywhere.

And it says: _Dejaté querer._

He repeats the words aloud, the unfamiliarity of it rolling off his tongue. He sounds awkward when he says it and he cringes. Ugh, that doesn’t sound right at all.

He glances at the note again and he becomes curious. He turns to his laptop to search on the translation. Apparently, it’s in Spanish and it means—

(At this moment, he swears the world has stopped spinning).

He abruptly stands up from his seat and quickly tears the note off from his notebook, his heart beating so fast against his chest. There’s a lot going on his head right now and his emotions are in a fucking blender. He can’t even think rationally with these things happening all at once, but he knows— _holy shit, he knows_ —that he needs to see Guanlin.

_Oh, fuck. I hope I’m not wrong_ , he thinks.

And he runs.

 

* * *

 

 

Lee Daehwi loves everything about romance: he loves watching sappy romance movies, he listens to love songs (he even writes them) endlessly, he reads Nicholas Sparks and John Green novels and cries about them for days, he always tells his friends the love story of his parents (and even his grandparents’), he often daydreams on how his own love story would be like, he believes in soulmates, he believes in true love, and lastly, he believes in happy endings.

On the other hand, Bae Jinyoung’s thoughts about romance had always been neutral. Sure, he had past relationships before, but they were all fleeting; they were nothing serious. He had crushes, but he never saw them as potential lovers; he just admired them a lot. Even before his parents started falling apart from each other, he was never really into romance. Of course, he also watches romance movies, reads books about two people falling in love, and listens to love songs, but he wasn’t obsessed with the idea of romance.

That was until he realized that he had feelings for a certain boy who shines brighter than any stars in the sky.

He admits that he kept denying it; he always runs away from his own feelings. Although he knew all along that he likes Lee Daehwi, he can’t seem to admit it to himself. No, he couldn’t afford to fall for his best friend. He doesn’t want any complications; he doesn’t want any heartbreaks. And he certainly doesn’t want to be involved in a one-sided love. So, he decided to ignore what his heart was trying to say and focused on what they already had.

But Bae Jinyoung is made up of complexities. He’s a person whose mind is a puzzle and whose heart is a storm. He’s one of the mysteries of the universe that he himself doesn’t even understand.

Here’s the thing: Lee Daehwi is that type of person who likes to find good in people—that’s why he falls in love so easily. He falls for strangers he meets when they just simply say “good morning” to him on his way to school or smile at him when he catches their eyes. He likes the idea of crushes so much because they give him inspiration. (He once told Jinyoung that his crushes are the reason why he gets up with a smile in the morning, knowing that there are a lot of beautiful people in the world). Kang Dongho should be one of those crushes, but, although it took time to realize it, Daehwi’s feelings for him bloomed into something more. Luckily, Dongho feels the same. If it wasn’t for the fact that Daehwi isn’t 19 yet, they’d probably be dating right now. (He has strict parents, by the way).

And here’s another thing: Jinyoung is an idiot. He was tired of losing someone, especially when that person is important to him, and Lee Daehwi was pretty damn important. When he knew that things are going pretty well between Daehwi and Dongho, he felt the security of the relationship he had with Daehwi crumbling down. He tried to pick up all those broken pieces and didn’t like the way it left deep scars. So, he decided to stop trying to fix what’s been damaged and focus on bandaging himself. But he didn’t know that it hurts more that way.

To be honest, Daehwi didn’t do anything wrong and Jinyoung hates how he blamed the other boy for the pain he’s been going through right now. How selfish could he be, only thinking about himself? How selfish could he be, trying to hurt someone in order to feel better? But no, it didn’t make him feel better. Somehow, it made him feel worse. Lee Daehwi doesn’t deserve all of this pain.

And Jinyoung is determined to fix it.

So, here he stands outside the Lee residence, bearing the coldness of the winter in a December night. Bae Jinyoung watches a puff of smoke leave from his lips and wishes that he had worn a thicker coat. He fishes out a hotpack from his coat pocket and rubs it in between his gloved hands, trying to keep himself warm. Once warm enough, he returns it from his pocket and heaves a deep sigh, tilting his head up to gaze over Daehwi’s window on the second floor of their house. The light from his room is still on and Jinyoung silently thanks the world for being so generous with him. Securing his iPad under one arm, he bends down to pick up a pebble on the ground and weighs it on his palm before hurling it onto Daehwi’s window.

Upon hearing the sound, the window opens almost immediately and Lee Daehwi peeks out with a confused expression on his pretty face. When he looks down and sees Jinyoung, his mouth gapes open. “Jinyoung-hyung?”

Jinyoung gestures for him to come down and Daehwi doesn’t hesitate to close his window. A few seconds later, the door opens and Daehwi steps out wearing only his pastel blue pajamas and a padded coat. He closes the door behind him and moves closer to Jinyoung. The older boy almost breaks down from the sight of the younger standing in front of him, looking as beautiful as always. His heart aches for him—just to touch him and be in his embrace. But he manages to keep himself grounded and reaches out to offer his hotpack to Daehwi instead.

The younger chuckles as he accepts it, placing it tenderly on his reddening cheeks. “Thanks, hyung.”

Jinyoung keeps his silence, but Lee Daehwi is not having any of it.

“Ya, Bae Jinyoung,” Daehwi calls out, making him flinch. “Offering me a hotpack doesn’t mean you’re forgiven. Explain yourse—”

Jinyoung places a finger against his own lips, silently telling the other boy to be quiet. Although confused, Daehwi obeys. Jinyoung then grabs his iPad and opens it. He scrolls through his files and lets the screen face towards Daehwi before he hits play. Daehwi watches in silence as a video lights up the screen; his expression full of surprise.

It’s a video of him—a montage of various recordings that Jinyoung did since he found an old camera through his dad’s belongings when they moved into a bigger home. It starts with 15 year-old Daehwi posing with a peace sign and a cute expression, thinking that it was for a photo. But when he found out that Jinyoung was actually recording a video of him, he pouted and whined, “Jinyoung-hyung, stop filming me!” as he attempted to cover the lenses. Past Jinyoung laughed behind the camera, amused by the other boy’s reaction. The second video shows a close-up of Daehwi playing arcade basketball, not missing any shot, his face full of determination. There are a lot of videos after that: 

Daehwi blowing a candle from a cake on his 16th birthday, a lopsided party hat sitting atop of his head and their circle of friends—obnoxious people that they are—singing happy birthday on top of their lungs.

Daehwi running away and screaming as the water suddenly hits his legs. It was summer and they went to the beach.

Daehwi singing with his eyes closed as they gather around a bonfire at night.

Daehwi eating a mint-flavored ice cream on a hot day and being sad (with Jinyoung laughing in the background) when it melted and fell onto the ground.

Daehwi proudly showing his new school uniform in the first day of school and doing a little dance to celebrate his and Jinyoung’s entering in high school.

Daehwi sleeping on Jinyoung’s shoulder on the bus during a school trip.

Daehwi dancing to a girl group song in his Hufflepuff costume for Halloween.

Daehwi opening his Christmas gift from Jinyoung and hugging him when he received a Twice album.

Daehwi smiling as he looks at the night sky painted by the colors of the fireworks.

Daehwi being surprised by his friends on his second birthday and breaking down into tears because he was touched.

Daehwi cheering for Guanlin’s first basketball game.

Daehwi pointing excitedly at the lilac skies, his eyes filled with wonder.

Daehwi saying, “Thank you for being born, hyung” with a smile on Jinyoung’s birthday.

Daehwi doing _aegyo_ and laughing at his embarrassing self when Jinyoung pointed the camera to him.

Daehwi riding the carousel on that day they went to the amusement park.

The last memory is when Jinyoung asked, “What is Bae Jinyoung to you?” and then Daehwi replied with song lyrics, “Far from love, closer to friendship~” and Jinyoung had probably sworn that he had fallen in love.

As soon as the video ends, Daehwi stares at the screen for a moment with an undistinguishable expression and when he turns to look at Jinyoung, his eyes are glassy with unshed tears. “Hyung…” he trails off with a trembling voice.

“You don’t have to say anything. You just have to listen to me, okay?” Jinyoung manages to choke out. “First of all, yes, I do like you—I like you so damn much. And I don’t want to deny that fact anymore.”

Daehwi’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything.

“And second: I’m sorry—I’m so sorry for being a jerk to you. I’m sorry for saying all those things to you; they weren’t even true. You were just trying to be a friend and I pushed you away, and that was so insensitive of me. I didn’t even consider your feelings and I apologize for that.

To be honest, I was acting so badly towards you because, for some stupid reason, I thought you were going to leave me—”

Daehwi looks aghast. “Bae Jinyoung, why would you—”

“Yes, I know I’ve been stupid,” Jinyoung interjects. “Now shush. I’m not done yet.”

Daehwi purses his lips.

Jinyoung lets out a deep sigh and wets his lips, suddenly feeling nervous. “Look, you know that I’m a pretty emotional person—an impulsive one at that. I make stupid decisions when I get hurt; my rationality becomes blind when my feelings decide to take over. And I’ve been pretty hurt. When I saw you being happy with Dongho-hyung… I thought—I thought that you were slipping away and it broke me. I decided that I should just stay away from you, hoping that the pain would just go away. But no, it doesn’t work that way. Hurting you by trying to distance myself from you was more painful and it drove me crazy. I realized losing you was something that I couldn’t afford; losing you is like losing a piece of myself and it’s the most agonizing feeling ever. And I don’t want that.

Because you know what, Lee Daehwi? Throughout those years that we’ve been together, you were always there for me—you still are. We’ve been through a lot, you and I. But you didn’t let me drown; you kept me anchored.”

For a few agonizing moments, Daehwi is silent, staring at Jinyoung with an unreadable expression. Jinyoung stares back, determined to not run away. He’s already done it; he already said what he had to say. So, what’s the point of backing down? For once, running away is not an option.

But then Daehwi steps closer, his eyes never leaving Jinyoung as he reaches out a hand to him. For a moment, Jinyoung thinks that Daehwi might hug him, but what he receives is a punch in the chest—not just once, but multiple times. And Jinyoung is nothing but shocked, especially when Daehwi starts crying.

“You’re an idiot, Bae Jinyoung,” Daehwi says in between sobs.

“I know.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“I know.”

“You’re so fucking mean.”

“I fucking know.”

“Don’t fucking cuss, you asshole.”

“I’m sorry.”

Daehwi cries even more, hitting Jinyoung with stronger punches. “I hate you so much. You deserve these punches. Do you know how much you hurt me?”

“To be honest, I think I deserve more than these punches,” Jinyoung says.

“I want to hurt you so bad right now,” Daehwi says, his hand halting from punching and coming to rest on Jinyoung’s chest. “I seriously want to beat you up and make you feel a lot of pain, but I can’t. I can’t do that to you, Jinyoung-hyung. Even though I’ve been hurt, I know that you’re hurting too. You’ve suffered a lot.”

“Daehwi-ah—”

“Hyung, I swear to god, if you keep blaming yourself, I will fucking slap some sense out of you,” Daehwi interrupts with a glare. “Learn to love yourself, will you? If you can love me, why can’t you do that to yourself, too?”

Jinyoung nods without saying anything.

Daehwi then moves to stand on his tiptoes, wrapping his arms around Jinyoung’s neck and resting his cheek on his shoulder. Jinyoung snakes his own arms around the other boy, bringing him closer and burying his face onto the crook of his neck. Daehwi smells like lavender—the scent of spring memories and home. And in that moment, he finds home in Daehwi’s arms.

“Hyung?”

“Hmm?”

“Hyung, you do know that I love you too, right?” Daehwi asks softly. “Maybe not in the way that you would like… but I do love you just as much. So, don’t think that I’m going to leave you again, because I won’t. And you have to deal with me being by your side for the rest of our lives—whether you like it or not.”

Jinyoung laughs, his heart finally finding ease. “Sounds good to me.”

 

* * *

 

 

When you ask Park Jihoon what his fondest memory of Guanlin is, he’d probably tell you nothing—insisting that all his memories of Guanlin were never fond. Because he is _that asshole_ who would deny something so that he would keep his pride.

But in his mind, he would reminisce the summer of last year where their parents would insist the two to spend more time together to “get to know each other.” His dad had specifically told him to stop playing his games for once and actually go outside with Guanlin to tour him around the neighborhood. When he had stubbornly said no, his dad had given him the Dad Stare and threatened to take his computer away if he refuses.

“Geez, don’t get so worked up,” Jihoon laughed, maybe a little bit too awkwardly, as he began to move away from his desk. “I’m going, okay?”

And so, Jihoon picked Guanlin up (“Aww, that’s so sweet of you, Jihoon-ssi!” Mrs. Lai had gushed when he flashed a smile, telling her that he’d like to show her son around the area) and off they were to the outside. It was the afternoon and it was hot outside to the point where Jihoon’s yellow shirt was sticking onto his skin. He wrung the collar of his shirt, grumbling about the heat. This is why he prefers to be inside instead.

But despite the sun ruining his mood, he finds comfort with the familiarity of the neighborhood. He greeted his neighbors and the shopkeepers with a smile and it made his heart warm when they greeted him in return. He introduced Guanlin to them, telling them to take care of him. Mrs. Yoon, a really nice _ahjumma_ who Jihoon is really fond of, had hugged Guanlin and kissed both of his cheeks in a way of saying that she was glad that he was here. Jihoon snickered at how flustered the younger boy got.

“And that’s Mr. Kwon’s shop,” Jihoon said, pointing to a small joint filled with people. “They sell the best fried chicken ever.”

“Ah, I love fried chicken,” Guanlin had stated, his eyes twinkling as he looked at the store. “The chicken in Korea is just so good.”

“Are you hungry?” Jihoon asked with a smirk.

“If we’re eating chicken,” Guanlin said with the same enthusiasm, “then yeah, I’m pretty hungry.”

“Good answer.”

When they finally got the takeout fried chicken that they ordered, they went back to the apartment complex. But instead of pressing their floor number at the elevator, Jihoon had pushed the highest floor. Although confused, Guanlin had followed him without saying anything. There was a tiny stairwell at the far end of the topmost floor and they took it until they saw a door at the end. Jihoon opened it with ease, from doing it so many times already, and it swung to reveal a rooftop with the most gorgeous view of the sky. Jihoon ran towards the edge, leaning over the railings to admire the sight and feel the breeze of fresh air brushing against his skin. He heaved a sigh, feeling relieved. He felt the presence of the other boy as he moved to stand beside him. Jihoon turned and saw the look of admiration on the boy’s features.

“They told me to show you around the neighborhood, right?” Jihoon had asked with a smile. “This place has the best view of the city, so isn’t it the best choice?” He pointed somewhere with his index finger. “That, right there, is where we buy our groceries. Every Friday, they get discounts on their eggs and vegetables, so I suggest you go there when you’re broke or something. And over there is Mr. Shin’s bakery—they sell the best melon bread in town. They’re not just delicious, they’re freaking massive too! It’s like the size of my head and—what? Don’t laugh! It’s true! And right there is…”

Jihoon continued to point out places for Guanlin to see; the younger listening at every word he uttered as he munched away from his fried chicken. When Jihoon was done, Guanlin was smiling at him and for the first time since they met, Jihoon had noticed that the boy had dimples. And it was kind of endearing.

(Up to this day, he really doesn’t want to admit that out loud).

“You love this neighborhood,” Guanlin had said, “don’t you, hyung?”

Jihoon grinned. “Well, it’s not hard to love. I guess, when you get attached to the people, you end up getting attached to the place too. And it’s my home—this is where I grew up. I learned a lot of things from this town and I’m thankful.”

“I’m thankful, too,” Guanlin said.

Jihoon raised an eyebrow at him. “For what?”

“I’m thankful for being able to live in this place,” Guanlin had answered with a gentle smile. “It’s in this town where I was able to meet you. And I’m glad to have met you, hyung.”

It sounds cheesy, but the way Guanlin had said it brought a flutter to Jihoon’s chest. Maybe it’s the way those words linger in the air; spoken, but still held vibrant meanings that are better left unexpressed—whispers that only the heart can hear. And in that moment—with the sun setting against the rose and amber-painted skies and the presence of a dimpled boy beside him—Jihoon lets himself smile.

 

He doesn’t know why, but he finds himself running towards the rooftop, climbing up the familiar staircase and opening the door with ease. He steps out, his breath mingling with the cold air, looking around for any sign. And there he stands, the boy he was looking for, leaning over the railings, staring out at the evening view of the city in front of him.

Jihoon holds his breath at the sight. It’s been days since he last saw Guanlin and _fuck_ —he didn’t know, until he finally saw him in front of his eyes, that Jihoon had missed him so badly. Was he that blind not to notice such a breathtaking person, even though he’s literally always right in front of him?

Oh, what an utter fool he was.

Jihoon slowly approaches the younger, but as if sensing that there’s another presence aside from him, Guanlin turns towards Jihoon’s direction and frowns when he sees the older boy’s face. Jihoon stops on his tracks as his gaze meets Guanlin’s.

“Hyung?” Guanlin says, his voice hard. “What are you doing here?”

Ignoring the ache in his chest, Jihoon lets out a laugh. “To be honest, I was looking for you and for some reason, my feet led me to the rooftop. It’s quite funny that you’re actually here…”

But Guanlin is not amused, moving away from the railing. He starts to make his way to the exit, averting his eyes from Jihoon. “I’m leaving.”

Jihoon quickly blocks his way, grabbing the younger boy’s wrist to stop him from leaving. “No, wait! I just want to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Guanlin says dismissively, shaking Jihoon’s grip away from him.

But Jihoon holds on, not planning to let go any sooner. “Please, just give me a moment to explain things and I promise I won’t bother you anymore.”

“What’s there to explain?” Guanlin is probably annoyed by now, but Jihoon is desperate.

“A lot of things,” Jihoon answers. “I think I owe you some answers, so _please_ , I need you to listen. I just need a few minutes to clear things up.”

Guanlin is silent, but he doesn’t move. And Jihoon takes that as a chance.

Jihoon heaves a deep sigh. “First of all, I just want you to know that whatever you heard that day when I was talking to Woojin—they weren’t true. I didn’t mean anything that I said. It was just me being stupid.”

“I was the stupid one,” Guanlin mutters under his breath.

“You’re not,” Jihoon says immediately. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way; it was very insensitive of me. I’m an idiot, really. I only care about myself. I said those things to hopefully make myself better, but it didn’t work. I look at you and all I can think is…” He swallows the lump forming in his throat. “How stupid I am to hurt someone like you.”

Guanlin just stares at him without saying anything, his lips forming a thin line and his eyebrows slightly drawn together in an incomprehensible expression.

Jihoon scrambles for something in his pocket. He fishes out a piece of folded paper torn from his notebook and unfolds it in front of Guanlin. The younger remains expressionless as he eyes the note in Jihoon’s hand.

“You wrote this on my notebook,” Jihoon says, tracing the letters written in Guanlin’s handwriting with his fingers. “ _Dejaté querer_. Let yourself be loved. I came here as soon as I found out its meaning. Who knew that I only had to open up my heart to be able to find an answer?” Jihoon laughs, looking at Guanlin—to the boy that never fails to take his breath away. “And it’s right in front of me.”

He hears the other boy’s sharp intake of breath and he heaves out a deep sigh, trying to calm himself. _Well, it’s now or never_.

“I like you, Lai Guanlin,” Jihoon finally says. “I like you a lot.”

A mix of emotions flashes in Guanlin’s eyes as he searches something in Jihoon’s gaze. And Jihoon waits.

And waits.

And waits.

And—

“I don’t,” Guanlin says.

Jihoon blinks at him. “What?”

“I don’t like you anymore,” Guanlin clarifies, his voice low. “If you came here expecting that I’d welcome you with open arms, then I’m sorry to disappoint you: I don’t have feelings for you anymore. Not since I realized that chasing you does me no good.”

Jihoon feels the breath knock out from his lungs. He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing coherent comes out. He doesn’t know what to say. It just hurts.

It hurts a lot.

“Guanlin-ah, I—” Jihoon chokes on his words, becoming aware of the tears that are now spilling down his cheeks. He hastily wipes them away, looking away from the younger boy. Who would’ve thought that there would come a time when Park Jihoon would break down in front of Lai Guanlin after having his heart broken? “I-I understand,” he manages to say in between sniffles and tries to muster a smile. “I had truly hurt you, so it’s no surprise that this would happen. I wonder if I’d just treated you better, maybe we would—we would… haha. What am I saying? I shouldn’t really say these things. I shouldn’t really dwell on the ‘what-ifs.’ It’s just stupi—”

He’s suddenly cut off with a pair of lips on his. It’s Guanlin—Jihoon’s face in his hands; his thumb gently caressing his cheeks. Guanlin is kissing him.

_Guanlin is kissing him._

Jihoon pulls away; his eyes wide and mouth open in surprise. “What? I thought—”

“Just shut up and let me kiss you,” Guanlin whispers, his breath fanning Jihoon’s face as he begins to lean down.

“But—”

Guanlin tries to shut him up again with a kiss, but Jihoon’s hand instinctively flies up to slap Guanlin across the face. The other boy’s jaw drops at the contact, his hand touching the sore spot. Jihoon can only stare in shock.

“Did you just…” Guanlin pauses, looking as surprised as he is. “Slap me?”

Jihoon’s eyes widen, his heart beating so fast against his chest. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to do that! It—it just happened!”

“I can’t believe you just slapped me,” Guanlin says with a hint of amusement in his voice.

“I-I just—” Jihoon is at loss for words, a bit horrified at the current situation. “It was just my initial reaction, okay? _You kissed me!_ Why did you even kiss me in the first place?!”

“Because I wanted to,” Guanlin says simply.

“Why?” Jihoon asks, his voice breaking. “You can’t just do that after you told me that you don’t have feelings for me anymore. Don’t confuse me like that.”

Tears start to come out again and Jihoon curses himself for being such a crybaby. What happened to the coldhearted Park Jihoon, honestly? Guanlin’s expression softens at the sight of the older boy crying and he moves closer, placing both of his hands on Jihoon’s puffy cheeks, willing him to look at Guanlin.

“Hey, hey,” Guanlin says softly. “I’m sorry for upsetting you like that, hyung. And I’m sorry for kissing you so suddenly.”

“Why did you do it?” Jihoon asks, almost quietly. “I thought you didn’t like me anymore.”

“Ah, about that…” Guanlin trails off, chewing on his lower lip before he continues again. “I lied.”

“What?”

“I lied about not liking you anymore,” he says, his lips forming into a small smile. “I still like you, hyung. I never stopped liking you.”

Jihoon feels his chest flutter at the younger boy’s words and he finds himself smiling back. He suddenly feels giddy, his body tingling with unfamiliar, but surprisingly nice sensation. He’s so happy to the point that he just wants to scream and dance around in pure joy. But then it all disappears when he comes into a sudden realization.

“Why?” he asks.

Guanlin raises up an eyebrow. “Why what?”

“Why did you lie?”

“Ah.” Guanlin chuckles. “This may seem a little bit petty, but I wanted to see how you would react. I didn’t expect you to cry, hyung.”

Jihoon’s jaw drops in shock. Then he hits Guanlin’s arm. “You’re such a jerk!”

Guanlin steps back, holding his arm. “You didn’t have to hit me!”

“I would’ve slapped you hard again, to be honest,” Jihoon says. “But you’re lucky you’re cute.”

“Aww, hyung,” Guanlin coos as he steps closer to Jihoon. He’s grinning now. “Never in my life had I thought that Park Jihoon would actually call me cute. I’m seriously flattered. ”

“Shut up, brat.” Jihoon is probably smiling like an idiot right now, but he doesn’t really care.

Guanlin reaches for Jihoon’s hand and intertwines his own with his, pulling the older boy closer to him. Jihoon can feel the heat in his face at the intimate contact. He likes it when Guanlin holds his hand like this—like he’s holding something so precious and fragile, but still holds onto Jihoon with such a sense of urgency like if he’s not holding tight enough, he’s going to slip away. And Jihoon doesn’t want to let go anytime soon. Entwining their fingers like this makes him feel secure—like finally finding home after being lost for a very long time.

“Hyung, I wasn’t dreaming, right?” Guanlin asks. “Did you actually say that you like me?”

“Yes,” Jihoon answers with laugh, his chest blooming with such fondness for this wonderful boy in front of him.

Guanlin beams at him, showing off the dimples that Jihoon loves so dearly. “Well, it’s such an honor to be liked by someone like Park Jihoon.”

“I think it’s a greater honor to be liked by someone like Lai Guanlin,” Jihoon says.

Guanlin crinkles his nose in feigned distaste. “Jeez, hyung. When did you become this cheesy?”

“It’s your fault, honestly.”

“Well, I’ll get used to it.”

Guanlin kisses him. And this time, Jihoon doesn’t slap him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (that kim taehyung poster... i-i had to :'DDD)
> 
> and that, ladies and gentlemen, marks the end of an angst era!! that was such a ride oh my god i sincerely apologize for the 10 chapters of angst?? i didn't mean for this to happen, i swear :') i just got carried away, especially because this fic doesn't have a refined outline. but i'm so glad it's all over :))) 
> 
> we finally have one chapter left!!! ahhhhh and it's the epilogue!! i'm kinda feeling emotional about this lmao
> 
> and hey, i'm just super curious: what's _dejaté querer_ /let yourself be loved in your language? please let me know! i'd love to hear about it :DDD (mine is: _hayaan mong mahalin ka_ , but it's not accurate :'))
> 
> don't forget to leave kudos and comments! i love you all and thank you for sticking with me until now :'D hope y'all have a wonderful day!!! see you on the next update! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡
> 
> if you have questions or anything, please hit me up on my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/jaepeels)!! <33


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, guys! it's finally here ;-; it's really late, but i hope you guys will like the ending :'D (i was actually planning to post this on april fool's with some kind of a prank update, but i didn't get to finish it on time so here we are :"))
> 
> (if i'm not writing angst, i write cheese. lots of it.)
> 
>  
> 
> **playlist**
> 
> \+ falling for u - seventeen  
> \+ my eyes - 10cm  
> \+ some - bolbbalgan4  
> \+ spring love - eric nam, wendy  
> \+ gold - wanna one

 

****

 

**EPILOGUE**

**6 YEARS LATER**

“You alright there, son?” Woojin glances at the passenger seat to where his child is sitting. He stares ahead of the road with a smile. “Just wait for a bit, okay? You’re going to see _appa_ soon.”

Chamsae, the three month-old _shiba inu_ that he calls his son, barks in reply; his tongue lolling out and his tail wagging excitedly at the mention of his other dad.

After half an hour of being stuck on traffic and another couple of minutes of driving, they finally arrive at the animal clinic. Woojin grabs the brown paper bag on the backseat and then lifts Chamsae, tucking him under one arm before he gets out of the car.

When he enters the animal clinic, Hyungseob is tending to a white pomeranian and talking to the crying owner in a gentle voice; assuring her that everything’s going to be alright and the dog is going to get well soon. Woojin smiles at the sight, his chest fluttering with fondness.

It’s still hard to believe that this man right there is his husband.

“Please contact me if there are any problems, okay?” Hyungseob says to the costumer, accompanying her to the door.

“Thank you so much, Dr. Ahn. You’re such a big help,” the costumer says with a grateful smile before exiting the animal clinic.

Hyungseob turns to Woojin, who’s sitting on the waiting area, along with Chamsae who’s wagging his tail excitedly when he sees _appa_ , with a broad grin plastered on his face. “Hello there, boys.”

“I think I’m in love?” is the only coherent thing that Woojin can say.

“Idiot,” Hyungseob laughs as he grabs Chamsae from Woojin. The dog pants excitedly and licks his owner on the jaw, causing Hyungseob to let out a small yelp. Truthfully, Hyungseob is Chamsae’s favorite dad. Woojin can’t really blame him; he’s Woojin’s favorite human, too. “Let’s have lunch. What did you cook?”

They eat on Hyungseob’s office with Chamsae fervently digging on his bowl of special dog food at his favorite dad’s foot. Hyungseob hums in satisfaction as he opens one of the stainless containers containing a kimchi stew. Ever since they started living with each other four years ago, Woojin had learned to cook for themselves because Hyungseob couldn’t. His husband is thankful, of course, because he can’t cook something without actually burning the whole kitchen.

“What time is the reunion again?” Hyungseob asks while chewing a mouthful of meat.

“It’s at 6 P.M, love,” Woojin answers, leaning across the table to wipe away the grain of rice at the corner of Hyungseob’s mouth and smiling as he does so. Ahn Hyungseob may be the most ungraceful human being to ever walk the surface of the Earth, but Woojin is still whipped for him nonetheless.

Woojin and Hyungseob, boyfriends for four years, have been married for almost two years now. They exchanged vows in a form of civil marriage (with Guanlin and Jihoon as their only witnesses) just a day after their graduation; they were pretty much impulsive and pretty much in love. You may ask: isn’t it kind of fast? Well, to be honest, Woojin knows that it was pretty sudden, but he never regretted that decision—and it’s probably the best decision that he’s ever made. He’s happy with Hyungseob right now and that’s all it matters.

Speaking of marriage…

“Hey, love?”

“Hmm?”

“What do you think of marrying me again?”

Hyungseob laughs, nearly choking on his food. “What?”

“Let’s get married again. For real this time,” Woojin says as he reaches out for Hyungseob’s hand, gently caressing the knuckles with his thumb. “In a church. With matching tuxedos. And you walking down that aisle as I wait for you at the altar.”

“With little flower girls and a cute ring bearer,” Hyungseob adds, his eyes shining in excitement.

“Let’s invite our families, too,” Woojin says. “Let’s fill the place with the people that we love.”

“I want a beach reception,” Hyungseob says. “With lots of good food.”

Woojin hums thoughtfully. “That can be arranged.”

“But who’s gonna be your best man?”

“Jihoon, of course.”

There is a gleam of amusement on Hyungseob’s eyes. “Oh no, Daehwi’s gonna be pissed.”

“He can plan our wedding instead,” Woojin says, trying not to think about Daehwi’s reaction when he’ll find out about this. He’s probably going to murder Woojin, but let’s just not dwell about it for now. “How does that sound?”

“Sounds perfect,” Hyungseob says, almost in a sigh.

Woojin grins. “You agree on marrying me again, then.”

“Of course.” Hyungseob leans over to kiss him and even after all these years, it still sends a rose color on Woojin’s cheeks. “You can ask me a thousand times and I’d say yes every time.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Mom has a new boyfriend now.”

His dad raises an eyebrow over the cup of coffee that he’s sipping. He sets it down carefully with a look of amusement. “Oh? Is he better-looking than me?”

“A hundred times better,” Jinyoung says, his lips forming into a smirk.

“ _Lies_ ,” his dad says, causing Jinyoung to laugh. “No one is more handsome than me. You of all people know that.”

“What are you talking about? I got my good looks from mom.”

“That is _so_ biased. I hope you’re happy now that you’ve hurt my feelings.”

Jinyoung bursts into a series of laughs and his dad does the same—practically mirroring each other. Jinyoung can’t deny that it’s fun being with his dad like this: just hanging out over a cup of coffee and teasing one another. It’s just like the old times.

When his parents divorced, Jinyoung gave it almost a year before he finally got the courage to talk to his dad. He needed some time to think it through; but no matter how many times he thought about his answer, his decision is always the same. His dad had apologized so many times, but Jinyoung had told him that there was no need for that because he had already forgiven him. Ever since then, the relationship he had with his father had been stronger. What’s the point in drowning himself in anger for his dad, anyway? It did no good, and his mom was right: no matter what happens, he was still Jinyoung’s father. And nothing’s going to change that.

And what’s the point in dwelling with his past mistakes anyway? With the marriage that didn’t work out? Yeah, the scars still burn when he becomes aware of them, but that’s the thing about scars: they’re signs that you’ve been hurt—that you’ve been healed. And it’s not that Jinyoung regrets forgiving his father. Truthfully, he thinks that it might’ve been one of the best decisions that he’s ever made.

Because this bond that they have right now is precious and he wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

“Hey,” his dad starts, tracing the rim of the cup with his index finger. “So, your mom has a boyfriend now. When will you ever?”

Jinyoung nearly spits the iced Americano that he’s drinking. “W-what?”

“I mean, son,” his dad says, a bit exasperated, “it’s been, what, 2 years now since you dated? I mean, isn’t that a pretty long time? Don’t you feel lonely?”

“No?” Jinyoung says. He didn’t even know that it had been two years; it didn’t really feel like it was. “I mean, I don’t know. Maybe I’m not looking for someone now. I’m too busy preparing for my licensure exams.”

It was only half-true: the other half had particularly been not wanting to date. After his last relationship, he didn’t really know if he was actually ready to date anyone. After experiencing his first love, Jinyoung had tried to engage himself in the world of dating. He had dated exactly eight people in the span of four years until he decided that he should give dating a break. It was then, when he was in his last relationship, that he had realized that of all those people that he dated, he never truly felt a single spark.

He didn’t really know what was wrong, but he knew that he had to stop before he’ll end up hurting anyone. Because that’s the last thing he wanted to happen.

“You’ll ace it, I’m sure,” his dad says. “You’ll ace it just as you aced your love life.”

Jinyoung frowns.

“I’m just kidding.” His dad chuckles at Jinyoung’s expression. “I’m sure that you’ll do well on your exams. You’re like the smartest boy I know.”

“No, I think it’s Lee Daehwi.”

His dad considers this. “Hmm, I guess you’re close second then.”

As if on cue, Jinyoung’s phone buzzes and he receives a text from the devil himself.

 

**_From: [still a] cutie ^_^_ **

_HYUNG. YOU NEED TO COME HERE. RIGHT NOW._

 

“Uh, dad,” Jinyoung says, glancing at his father with an apologetic smile. “I think I better go.”

“Okay. Be careful on your way, alright?”

“Yeah, sure.” Jinyoung stands up and grabs his messenger bag, sliding it over his shoulder. “I’m going to visit Jaeha on Saturday. I miss her already.”

Jaeha is his two-year old half-sister from his dad’s new wife. He didn’t like the idea of his dad remarrying again and having a new sibling at first, but when Jaeha was born, Jinyoung instantly loved her at the first time he saw her and held her in his arms. Truthfully, Jinyoung never liked kids, but he felt the happiest whenever he spends time with her; his heart blooming with fondness whenever he sees his little sister smile.

He never knew that there will be another sun in his life—aside from Lee Daehwi. (And the actual ball of fire in the solar system, of course).

“Sure.” His dad smiles. “You’re welcome there anytime.”

Jinyoung leaves the café in a hurry, his heart hammering against his chest and his head bent down to check his phone filled with urgent messages from Daehwi.

 

**_To: [still a] cutie ^_^_ **

_why? what happened?_

**_From: [still a] cutie ^_^_ **

_JUST COME HERE ALREADY._

**_To: [still a] cutie ^_^_ **

_can’t you just tell m1koxd9u2nis_

Jinyoung nearly tumbles backwards as he collides with someone; flyers flying out from the other person’s hands and falling onto the ground.

“Oh, god!” Jinyoung blinks at the chaos occurring right in front of him before he comes to his senses and starts picking up the fallen papers. “I’m so sorry! Let me help you.”

“Ah, it’s okay,” the person says, her voice soft, as she helps pick up the flyers. “And thank you.”

As soon as he finishes, he hands them carefully to the owner while standing up and hesitates. For a moment, all he can do is stare at the familiar face in front of him. It can’t be—

“Jieqiong-noona?”

Her face lights up in recognition. “Jinyoungie?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” Jinyoung says, laughing.

“Woah, really?” She scrutinizes him from top to bottom with an expression of awe and Jinyoung feels a little embarrassed—maybe from the fact that he’s kind of underdressed right now. “You’re so tall now!”

“Well,” Jinyoung starts, scratching the back of his neck, “the last time you saw me, I was seven years old.”

“Yes, I remember you being smaller than me. But look at you now!” She lifts an arm and reaches out to ruffle Jinyoung’s hair, mussing it a bit just like when they were still kids. It still leaves Jinyoung flustered until now. “You grew up well.”

He and Jieqiong were childhood friends. They were neighbors before Jinyoung’s family moved to a bigger home. He remembers that he used to think of her as the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. Looking at her now, he may not admit it out loud, but he thinks that she still is.

“Oh, you must be in a hurry, right?” she asks, retrieving back her arm. “I won’t stall you for long.”

“Uh, yeah,” he replies, glancing at his phone. The urgent messages keep on coming and he suppresses a groan. “I think I should be going now, noona.”

“Okay, but before you go,” she says, handing him a flyer, “I just want to invite you to our show.”

He looks at the flyer and his mouth drops. “Woah, you’re in a band?”

She nods, her eyes lighting up. “Yeah! Our band’s pretty amazing, so you should come, alright? If you want to ask anything, just contact me on the number written there.”

“Okay.”

She pats him on the arm. “It’s nice seeing you, Jinyoungie. Let’s hang out soon, okay?”

“Of course,” he says, offering her a smile.

“Bye for now!”

“Bye, noona.”

He then watches her leave before he begins walking on his own direction. He quickly texts a quick reply to Daehwi, telling him that he’s on the way. For some reason, he glances back to Jieqiong and finds her getting farther and farther away.

For some reason, it’s unsettling Jinyoung.

For some reason, he finds himself turning around.

For some reason, he’s running.

For some reason, he wants to go back to Jieqiong.

And so he does, maneuvering himself in the sea of people just to get to her. He’s bumped a lot of people already, but their curses drown out in the sound of his own heart beating so loud against his chest. He finally catches up to her— _so close, so close_ —nearly stumbling as his foot catches a crack on the asphalt. But she still doesn’t see him yet.

So, he calls out, “Jieqiong-noona!”

She finally turns around, surprised to see him standing there. “Jinyoungie? What are you doing here? I thought—”

“Hey, noona,” he interjects, his breathing ragged from running so much. “Are you free tomorrow?”

One thing he learned from his first heartbreak was to never let any chances slip away. Don’t ever let a doubt stop you, because you might regret it later on.

And Jinyoung doesn’t want any more regrets.

The second thing he learned was to—

Jieqiong is stunned for a moment, but her expression quickly changes into something soft as a smile appears on her features. “Yes, I’m free tomorrow.”

Jinyoung smiles back.

—never be afraid of taking risks.

 

 

* * *

 

  

Jihoon wakes up at noon with a dull ache in his head. He slowly pries his eyes open and squints at the sunlight spilling through the thin curtains of his bedroom window. He glances at the clock on top of his side table. It’s already 12:32 in the afternoon. He attempts to get up from the bed, but a pair of arms across his torso hinders him so.

He turns his head to the side and sees that Guanlin’s eyes are still closed. The light from the window is softly touching his face, making him look so ethereal. Jihoon loves the sight of Guanlin like this: so peaceful and vulnerable, and absolutely breathtaking. He doesn’t want to wake him, but it’s quite late. So, gently, he whispers, “Guanlin-ah.”

“Hmm?”

“We need to get up,” Jihoon groggily says. “It’s already late.”

“Don’t want to,” Guanlin murmurs as he buries his face deeper in the crook of Jihoon’s neck, the feeling of his lips against Jihoon’s sensitive spot sending a shiver through the elder’s spine.

“Please?”

“Let’s stay a little bit more, hmm?”

“But I need to make breakfast—or lunch, whatever.” Jihoon starts to get up again, prying away from his boyfriend’s grip.

But Guanlin holds on, pressing Jihoon closer to him and trapping the elder’s legs in between his own. “No, stay.”

“Ya, Lai Guanlin!” he chastises. “I still have work!”

Guanlin shakes his head. “No, you don’t. You and Woojin-hyung closed the academy for today.”

_Damn it._ He knows him too well. “Ugh, alright. Five minutes—five minutes and we’ll get up, okay?”

Guanlin hums happily, brushing his nose on Jihoon’s jaw and softly inhaling his scent. Jihoon lets out a small laugh and turns his head towards Guanlin, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes and planting a brief kiss on his forehead. Guanlin smiles at this and Jihoon cups the younger’s face in his hands, now kissing his closed eyes. His nose. His cheeks. His chin. And then his lips, capturing them in his own. Guanlin responds by kissing him back in a slow, steady rhythm. It kind of drives Jihoon a little crazy.

“Damn, I can’t really resist you,” Jihoon murmurs against his lips.

Guanlin opens one of his eyes, his gaze playful. “It’s because you love me.”

“I do.” Jihoon kisses the spot in between his eyebrows. “And you’re using that fact against me.”

Guanlin laughs as Jihoon kisses the corner of his eye. “Jeez. I love you too, I guess?”

Jihoon grins, his heart soaring in happiness, and pulls Guanlin into a kiss again—this time, leaving both of them breathless and giddy. Jihoon loves mornings with Guanlin, partly because of the cuddles and the kisses that they share in bed. For being such a big _tsundere_ in his teenage years, who knew that he’s this affectionate?

To be honest, who knew that he’d be So Whipped?

He pulls back just a little just as he remembers something. “Hey, brat. Don’t you have class?”

“Wait. What time is it?”

“Almost 1.”

“Oh, shit!” Guanlin springs up in the speed of light, hastily throwing the comforter away from his body. “I am so late!”

Jihoon watches him move from one place to another as he prepares for school. (He actually feels bad for not remembering that Guanlin has a class any sooner. His mother might kill Jihoon when she finds out that he prioritizes kissing more than her son’s education). Even though he’s already late, Guanlin still manages to dress himself like he’s going to a Burberry fashion show as he throws on a black trench coat and a pair of silver-rimmed spectacles. Guanlin is in his final year of college now, majoring in literature. When Guanlin told him that he wanted to take up this course, it didn’t surprise Jihoon. He already knew from the way Guanlin had left him some notes in his locker with passages from a Shakespeare novel and to the way the younger replies “I love you, too” to him in different languages. Maybe he already knew from start—back when they weren’t still a “thing.” After all, Guanlin made him realize something through the use of a foreign phrase.

(Until now, those were still his favorite words).

And then there’s Jihoon: a dance academy instructor along with Woojin. They invested on starting that place together to teach people like them whose passion is with dancing. It’s kind of satisfying, since it was actually his dream to start one. Their studio is still small, but they’ll get there someday.

After quickly throwing in a decent sweatpants and hoodie and making some quick toast, Jihoon takes Guanlin to school. When he graduated two years ago, his dad had given him his old car, but it still works just fine. Even though it’s quite tiny, Jihoon is thankful for the cramped space because he can easily reach for Guanlin’s hand as he drives. Cheesy as it sounds; holding hands in the car has been part of their daily routine ever since Guanlin moved to Jihoon’s apartment.

“I’ll pick you up at six, okay?” Jihoon says as they arrive at Guanlin’s university.

“Sure.” Guanlin plants a kiss on Jihoon’s cheek before he opens the car door. “Love you.”

“Love you too, idiot,” Jihoon says, unable to hide his smile, as he watches Guanlin get out the car. “Study hard and graduate, okay?”

“Yeah, hyung. I’m not like you.”

“Ya!” Jihoon calls out just as the car door closes shut. He can see Guanlin’s gummy smile through the car’s tinted windows and laughs as Guanlin throws finger hearts at him.

The amount of cheesiness in this relationship is just ridiculous, but Jihoon loves it nonetheless.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Jihoon and Guanlin arrive at the rendezvous point (a.k.a. the Lee’s restaurant that Daehwi is now managing), the place is already in a catastrophic mess with a few of them already shouting and laughing (let’s just name them as Woojin, Hyungseob, Daehwi, and Jinyoung) as the alcohol finally gets to their systems. They’re only late for a few minutes and this has already happened.

Not that Jihoon is surprised.  

“Oh, the visual couple is finally here!” Daehwi announces as soon as he sees them enter. Dongho, who has his arm around his tiny boyfriend, waves at them with a smile. Seonho and Euiwoong also greet them from their seats.

“You’re late!” Jinyoung yells, his words slurred.

“Sorry, we got stuck in traffic,” Jihoon says as he and Guanlin sit down on empty seats.

“ _Or,_ ” Woojin starts, “you two were just making out so passionately that you almost forgot that we’re having our reunion tonight.”

Jihoon immediately blushes, incoherently trying to come up with some excuses, while Guanlin tries to hide a grin by burying his face on Jihoon’s neck.

“Oooh, looks like we’ve hit the jackpot,” Seonho says with a wicked grin.

Woojin smirks. “They’re so obvious that it’s becoming hilarious.”

“We’re not—” Jihoon sputters out, becoming aware that his body is practically on fire now. He then coughs and tries to sound nonchalant as he says, “I mean, so what if we were making out? It’s not like you all don’t do it, anyway.”

There’s a series of _ooooh_ ’s in reply and Jihoon swears that his body might be a few inches apart from the sun. It’s not even helpful when Guanlin is playing with his fingers under the table and smiling at him with that goddamned gorgeous smile of his.

_Oh, god, why is it so hot in here?!_ he thinks as he tries to fan himself in hopes of attempting to cool down.

“Enough with the unnecessary information!” Hyungseob shouts over the noise, getting up from his seat to gain everyone’s attention. “Since all of us are already here, Woojin and I have an announcement to make!”

“They’re just probably going to tell us that they got a new puppy or something,” Euiwoong comments.

“Probably,” Jinyoung agrees with a nod.

“Shush, children,” Hyungseob says. “You don’t disrupt something important like this.”

Jihoon shakes his head. It’s been already six years already and his friends are still so insufferable.

“Okay, listen up!” Woojin says as he stands up from his seat. “You all know that my husband and I are already together for six years—”

They all groan. Jihoon thinks that this is probably going to be another drunken love speech or something.

“—and you all know that we got married at the court two years ago—”

“In which I didn’t get invited, by the way,” Daehwi interrupts.

“—and our love for each other became stronger ever since. We’re pretty much happy and satisfied with our lives now, but we felt like we needed to take a bigger step forward. And so…”

“We decided to get married again,” Hyungseob finishes, his smile almost reaching the skies. “In a church this time.”

Their table erupts in loud cheers.

“Awww, I’m so happy for the both of you!” Daehwi gushes and comes over the couple to give them a hug. “I want to be the best man, okay? That position is reserved only for me.”

“Ha ha,” Woojin offers weakly, glancing nervously at his husband. Hyungseob only chuckles at this.

Jihoon and Gualin give them their congratulations, too, and Jihoon feels a sudden wave of sadness wash over him as he watches the couple smile at each other with so much light in their eyes. He wonders—

Well, he _wonders_. He doesn’t really want to name what he’s feeling right now, even if he already identifies what it is. He thinks that it’s too much to ask, but he knows—he _knows_ —that deep in his heart, he wants it badly.

As if sensing his worry, Guanlin reaches for his hand and plants a kiss on his knuckles. A smile instantly makes its way to his lips. He’s always thankful for Guanlin for always being there to comfort him.

“I’m so happy for them,” Jihoon suddenly says as he looks over Woojin embracing Hyungseob in his arms.

Guanlin smiles. “Me, too.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

(Little does he know, there’s a velvet red box resting inside Guanlin’s coat pocket. Little does he know, as soon as they leave this venue, his lover will knee in front of him beside the Han River with a promise of forever and he will say yes—of course he will say yes—and the deal will be sealed).

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_And we are looking at each other, just looking,_

_and I swear there are whole lifetimes lived in those small, shared seconds._

_\- Mackenzi Lee_

 

 

* * *

 

 

**_fin._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, guys. it has finally come into an end. 
> 
>  
> 
> /cue ugly sobbing 
> 
> OMG YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW HOW THIS STORY BECAME ATTACHED TO ME. it started out with an impulse to write panwink after watching them in w1 go and a harry styles song to start this fic (yeah, the title is taken from his song, ever since new york PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME ;-;). at first, it was really fun. i really enjoyed imagining some scenarios in my head and writing them down. but after chapter 5, i kind of almost gave up because i started to feel unmotivated to write (mainly because of writer's block and stress irl). but YOU GUYS. OMG YOU GUYS ARE JUST THE BEST. you all picked me up and gave me a lot of reasons why i should keep going. i guess i can say you kept me grounded?? your endless support is something that i'm entirely grateful for. so, thank you--thank you for not giving up on me, even if my weekly updates turned into monthly updates. even if i don't write as good as i used to in my earlier updates, you guys still hyped me up so much. i came to love this fic because you all made me realize that i should appreciate myself a little more and I REALLY CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR THAT ;-; YOU THE REAL MVP Y'ALL KNOW THAT, RIGHT?
> 
> it's kind of bittersweet that this fic has now ended. i know that it's really not that much, but this is the first long fic that i've ever finished so it's kind of like a big deal to me (because i'm that type of person who writes and never finishes sdjlsldjslfjsldfj). this journey made me grow as a writer. i came to realize that writing may have its perks, but it also has its own obstacles. i came to realize that writing is not easy, but i'm glad that i met a lot of amazing people along the way who made me realize that even though writing is hard, there's still someone who will encourage you. 
> 
> (and to that particular person who reads all the drafts (and fangirl as they read it), who puts up with all my crazy ideas, and who gave me a lot of tips in order to write better. to my number one fan: hey, chinggu. this one's for you <3)
> 
> once again, thank you so much!! and i'll see you all again soon (≧◡≦) ♡
> 
> also if you have some questions (or music/fic recommendations!!) hit me up on my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/jaepeels)!! <3 


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